I'm Back
I WILL BE POSTING NEW UPDATES AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE FOR AWHILE. AS THE BLOG "GROWS" LONGER... I WILL CHANGE THE TITLE AND BEGIN A NEW PAGE.(You can always reach me by writing: clarkmatthews1@aol.com)
May 25, 2009 8:35 a.m.
To both family and friends alike... I say, "hello" and happy Memorial Day. I am beginning my blog again with no clear plan in my head as to what I am going to write or even how often. I suppose that, at least in the beginning, I will try to write something daily.
Today I will begin with an update on what I have been experiencing physically. As my family, and many of my friends already know I have had a lot of testing done over the course of the last several months. To date, I have only heard "good news." I have an appointment with a new specialist this Wednesday. I will, of course, let you know what he has to say.
Specifically my condition persists, and in certain areas worsen, yet nothing has been found that is causing it. After awhile a person begins to doubt even their own selves. I recently told my primary doctor that I can accept the fact that I might have merely lost my mind and I am only imagining my illness... were it not for two facts. The blood I continue spitting up has to be coming from somewhere, and many nights I am woken from sleep from the pain in my arm if I happen to turn the wrong way.
If you think though that after a person who has had tens of thousands of dollars worth of tests administered by trained professionals using state-of-the-art equipment that if anything were there it would have been found... then you might want to think again. After my latest Cat Scan I was called in to my doctors office to be told that no "abnormalities" were found. I said that's great... right? I mean if anything was growing in my chest, which is what it feels like, then that test would have revealed it... right?
While slowly shaking her head sideways she said, "Not necessarily, they have their limitations:" evidently things are missed all the time. What! I mean I always thought that when they took a picture of your insides they show if anything is wrong and doctors know what they are looking for. So, I had Missy drive me to the hospital and I asked for and received a disc that contained the same images of my insides that they saw. I was going to have to take a look for myself. It was surprising what I saw. Inside me there was a well-defined "chicken leg" and a large "lemon peel," which was rather odd because I eat neither one. I am reminded of the comedian who was describing coming off of a two-day drunk. He said that he was so intoxicated that he remembered using the toilet and throwing up at the same time. Apparently though he was so hung over that he sat in his sink and threw up in his toilet. The next day upon viewing what was in his sink, he thought to himself... "I don't remember eating anything that looked like that!"
As you might be able to tell, I had no idea what I was looking at. It was just that two of my organs were shaped like what I described. It is no wonder that even doctors have a hard time knowing what they are looking at. Especially the pictures where they "compressed" everything... they are quite hysterical.
I will leave each of you today with a few Bible verses from this morning's devotion. Jeremiah 18:1-4 "The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, Arise, and go down to the potter's house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words. Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it."
We, believers, are of course the clay, and God is of course the Potter. I sort of feel like that marred vessel that the Master Potter has decided to mold again. And I say to God, as the only thing that any lump of clay has the right to say, "Do to me whatever seems good to the Potter."
I hope that each of you reading this has a blessed day with your friends and family.
May 26, 11:45 a.m.
I just came back from walking Virgil (the dog pictured on my blog... who is now eight years old) in downtown Louisville. I took him to the area called Fourth Street Live. Usually he likes the interaction of all the people, street musicians, etc., but today he just kept his head down and took in all of the smells. Virgil now believes that he has the ownership of every other light post and flower box in a three block area. I have a question for you. How can any dog hold so much liquid inside that they can "mark" spots seemingly all day long?
Although I had walked him before leaving and he had done his business... he still decided that he had to make his toilet again... and me with no "pooper-scooper." At least he had the good sense to wait until I was able to get him to a city-block area that has been kept up with grass and
plants. I do, however, want to give you a word of caution. If you happen to visit that particular area (on the Fourth Street side) in the next couple of days... stay away from the mulched area. You can't say that I didn't warn you.
After I eat my salad we are planning on taking Virgil and Stella to the Falls of the Ohio and walk them near the river. Since I won't be writing any more today I will not be able to warn you if either of them have an accident... so, if you visit that area any time soon... watch your step.
I want to comment on a news story that I read yesterday. A small child of Mike Tyson's was critically injured while playing on or near a treadmill. Although Tyson himself is a goon and a thug, and it would be hard for me to feel bad if anything were to happen to him personally... it is still terribly sad for the little child to have been hurt... and everyone ought to pray for the baby's recovery.
Dr. Hyles used to say that the world is a veil of tears. The longer I live the more truth I see in that statement. I have a question for you all to consider. When did life become hard? By that I only mean that a person must look harder and harder to find even simple enjoyment. By far it seems that the bad in the world around us outweighs everything positive by at least a 90% margin.
I'm not altogether sure if this understanding comes with age or circumstance. From having taught school and watching little children play on the playground I know for a fact when a small child leaves childhood behind. It is at that time in life when going from point "A" to point "B" becomes a walk and not an all-out run.
Watch little children from birth and you will see that they go from crawling to running everywhere they go... they skip walking altogether. Then, after a few years of running you will notice a gradual slowing down to a walk as they traverse a schoolyard or playground, this usually takes place about five or six years of age. And that completely innocent and carefree time of life is over.
I only wrote that to explain that it is easier in the physical world to see change and get understanding than it is with the mind. So, I'm not completely certain when understanding came to me, but I know that more and more I see things from a Biblical view than I ever have before. And I am not meaning to imply that I am even necessarily better off or somehow more spiritual because of it... it is just a fact of life.
Though I have known the truth the Bible has taught for years, about satan being the "god" of this world. (II Corinthians 4:4) it is now far easier to look around me at the present world condition and know that it is the devil's playground and those who are saved are the interlopers and it is why we just don't feel all that comfortable being here.
It was the same for Lot in Sodom. The Bible states that his soul was "vexed" everyday by the way those around him were living. Well, in 2009 it seems that the entire world has become "Sodom." There is absolutely no sin that has entered into the hearts of lost men to do... that large segments of the world's population is not actively pursuing.
If you are saved you ought to sincerely pray every day for the Lord's return. Then, when that happens... we will all leave the land of the dying... and enter into the land of the living!
May 27, 3:39 p.m.
I thought I would write and tell you about my tests that were done today and a few things that I have learned from them and about doctors. After weighing in and having my vitals taken I went to a room and entered into a small booth that had a rounded glass-front on it that slid closed. I placed a device over my nose that forced me to breathe through my mouth. Then I closed my lips over a plastic pipe and followed directions on rapid breathing, inhale, exhale, etc. A high-tech device recorded all of the results.
Then, I waited on the doctor. The first one who entered told me that I was able to inhale and expand my lungs more than I should have been able to. Okay, I thought... that doesn't sound too bad. She then said that I could only exhale and get rid of 58% of what I had breathed in. Again... no big deal. I mean, if I could bat 58% in the majors I would be in the hall-of-fame. She finished by saying that I would be prescribed several medicines that would hopefully be able to recover some of the damage that has been done. Okay, I thought... all-in-all... not too bad.
The next (and main doctor with her name painted on the door) came in and went over some of what the previous person had already said. Then she looked at me and said, "You do know that your lungs are bad, don't you... (pause) ...I mean really bad."
I have a question for you. Shouldn't she have learned Latin while in college? I mean, instead of saying what she did, she should have said a bunch of stuff in Latin about my lungs and then finished with what the other person said about inhaling crushed up pills and trying to overcome some of the damage. I suddenly wanted the first doctor back... this one was scary.
I mean, even my smallest grandchildren know what bad... really bad means. "I'm not going to tell you again, (you say) do that one more time and something bad... really bad is going to happen." See, even little kids know. You just don't say, while describing someone's medical condition, "You have something bad... (long pregnant pause for special emphasis) really bad."
Anyway, I thought I would write that part and let you know the proper way for doctors to talk to patients. Always use Latin, else use a lot of lengthy medical terms that no one understands, then finish with, "Here, inhale these crushed up pills and let's see what happens." But, stay away from bad... really bad."
I also have found that anytime the word "scopy" is preceded by any other word (as it relates to the medical field) that one or more of your orifices is going to be invaded by pieces of plastic and rubber tubing and that a camera plays an important part in the proceedings.
This Friday I go to Jewish to have a BRONCH NO FLORO DX; SOB/HEMOPYTYSIS (Thoraoscopy) performed on me. See what I mean about using long medical terms and how effective it is as a useful tool in misdirecting someone's attention from what is about to happen.
The last invasive procedure I had done on me was also at Jewish, and it was a colonoscopy. There were several of us on beds in a long hallway lined up waiting our turn to be pushed into the operating room. Imagine planes stacked on a runway waiting permission to takeoff, and you get the idea.
Off to my right, hanging on the wall, were the different tubes for the different procedures. A large black one with a handle eerily similar to what they use at Jiffy-Lube to put oil in your car was apparently the one for the colonoscopy. The much smaller and more narrow one was for the endoscopy.
As I was viewing these and considering what was about to happen a nurse came up and said, "Now Mr. Johnson, are you here for both the colonoscopy and the endo..."
"No. No." I interrupted her before she could finish. Holding up one finger to be sure she saw, I said, "C-o-l-o-n-o-s-c-o-p-y... o-n-l-y." I wanted to be sure that she knew.
I suppose that all things considred doing them both at the same time would save some grief. But, you can bet your life I would grill the doctor first. "Now doc, I know that you are busy and probably even tired, from doing all of these procedures, but please... take your time and be sure that the right tube goes in the right place... okay?"
It would be unimagineable to wake up from a drugged sleep and slowly come to the realization that you have a horrible taste in your mouth and you know that all of the Listerine in the world would never get rid of it.
So, you can be certain this Friday I will make sure before the procedure begins that everyone understands that this is only a Thoraoscopy being done!
May 28, 4:24 p.m.
I won't be writing much this evening. I got in from work a little while ago and in a little bit I am going to help Roger put in a new hot-water tank.
I am hoping that they will be able to find out tomorrow exactly what has been causing all of my physical problems for the last 16+ months. For the first time though it does seem as if they are on the right track.
Today, as part of my morning devotions I finished the last chapter of Daniel and I will start a new book in the morning, as of yet I am undecided as to what book of the Bible that will be. I will give you a special verse found in that chapter as it was the favorite verse of Dr. Hyles. Daniel 12:3 "And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever."
God bless Dr. Hyles. I think he did more for the cause of Christ in the 20th century than any other living man. I wonder how many millions of lives have been changed for the better because of the influence of the yearly pastor's schools that he and the leaders of the church in Hammond, Indiana held.
"The only thing that remains the same... is change." That truism can be quite sad. I was looking at a couple of pages in the beginning of my Bible where I had different leaders I admired sign their names. It seems that of the seventeen (or so) names on those pages, the majority have already gone on to be with the Lord. Dr. Hyles, Curtis Hutson, Mrs. John R. Rice, etc. etc. etc. It truly is not sad for them, but it is for those they left behind. I miss hearing Lester preach.
Well, I will write more tomorrow.
May 29, 5:20 p.m.
I am going to give you a brief report of my Thoraoscopy I had done earlier this afternoon. So far, out of all of the procedures I have had done, this was the most uncomfortable... probably because I woke up before they were done. With all of those type of procedures they don't put you into a deep sleep anyway. It is not like normal surgery where they put you far under and breathe for you. This medicine works quickly but also wears off quickly. Apparently, today, a little too quickly.
I wasn't in pain when I awoke but I felt like I was strangling. There was a plastic tube in my nose and one that was running into my mouth and down into my lungs. As I was struggling to breathe I kept reaching up to pull the tube out of my mouth, They were quick to catch my hands and to keep saying... breathe... breathe... after a little bit I realized I could and it made it easier.
In the recovery room I asked what they did? She said the doctor did a "washing" and took a biopsy of my lung. Now, I know what a biopsy is... but the only thing I could think of for the other was a car-wash.
I guess I wasn't too far off. At home and online I looked it up and saw that they use a physiologic saline solution and insert it into the pleural cavity. So, I tried imagining a bunch of itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny girls wearing their yellow polka dot bikinis-- that they wore for the first time today. They all toiled away in there with rags and shined everything up like new. But, it's probably for a good cause, perhaps they are trying to earn money for their school to go on a class-trip.
I hope everyone has a good evening.
May 30, 10:48 a.m.
I just got back from watching one of my grandchildren (Ethan) play a game of T-ball. In a little over an hour from now I am going back to watch his older brother (Aaron) play his game of T-ball.
Having the opportunity to watch my daughters play and participate in different activities while they were growing up and now being able to see their own children do these same type of things is a real treat! Although seeing the grandchildren play and knowing that it wasn't all that long ago that their parents were doing what they are now playing... does make it seem like life is passing at light-speed.
I hope that everyone reading this has a nice weekend and that you all are planning to be in church with your family tomorrow.
May 31, 9:17 a.m.
I was watching an episode on television last night where a medical doctor, though a troubled soul in his personal life with a lot of demons, always has the answer when it comes to figuring out a disease that a patient has.
In the last 16 (and counting) months I have been examined by five different doctors with three of them being specialists. And that does not even take into consideration the doctor who did the colonoscopy, or those who did the stress-test, or the myriad other tests and all the blood-work, etc. etc. etc.
Even after all of that, the pain and bleeding continues unabated. I would just like to know where Stuart Little's dad is when you need him?
I do though happen to know the Great Physician, and I have been talking to Him a lot. Even though what I have hasn't been revealed to me, nor apparently to any of those who have seen me, I take comfort in the fact that nothing is ever hid from Him.
"Did it ever occur to you that nothing ever occurred to God?" I don't know who originally came up with that phrase, but I like it. In the end, though, if God chooses not to heal me then all of the best minds in the medical field could do nothing to help: on the other hand, if He decides to heal me, then I would need no assistance whatsoever from any other source.
As a believer, it is somewhat of a fine-line for me to walk. I know that God is not against medical doctors, at least those who do their practice with the present knowledge that God, not them, is the ultimate decider in matters of life-and-death. After all, the third book in the New Testament was authored by a doctor who was inspired by the Holy Ghost. However, it is still a bit of a struggle for me to know for certain whether to continue and seek trained professionals for help, or to say... "enough"... if God wants me healed, He can and will do it!
In my lifetime I have seen both ways used. There are many Christian doctors who pray for help and guidance before every patient diagnoses and each surgery. And because of that there are many medical miracles which has been performed. I have also known of many people of faith who have rejected man's best effort and God has miraculously healed them as well. Again though, both instances show it is still the Lord being sovereign in all matters of life-and-death.
In addition to my daily Bible reading from different books of the Bible, there are nine books and a total of 15 passages that I read every single day. This morning I will leave you with one of those passages for you to read for yourself: Psalm 118:14-21.
posted by Robin Johnson @ 8:34 AM
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