The Treasure Hunt

A Brief History

Every week as I post new updates I will place them at the end of this writing, A Brief History. In this way I do not have to create a new post each week. All that I have to do is edit my existing post and I can leave the story that follows intact. I figured this might be less confusing to all of the new readers that might join over the next seven months. At each new posting I will include the new date so that the reader can follow a logical timetable. For example; this post that is in green is being typed on April 10, at 8:17 p.m. The story that follows was entered on April 2nd. This part that you are now reading and the story that immediately follows will remain unchanged for the duration of this contest. If you are new to this post then you will need to read the story below to understand the contest. If you already know the contest and you are only needing to see the weekly updates, then all you have to do each week is scroll to the bottom of this post to see what has happened during the week. Also I would like to thank the new readers that continue to log on to my online novel, JAMES CHRISTENS. Finally, with your help we might be able to accomplish something worthwhile by the end of this contest period. Thank you, CM.

For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with records. It could be the biggest, smallest, fastest, tallest; I honestly do not care as long as whatever it is; it is the ...est of them all! I suppose though of all that there can be a record of, I have always been most impressed with the strongest of whatever happens to be competing. It could be man, animal or even machinery, it makes no difference to me; I just want to see which one wins in a contest of strength.

Two different times in my life I have been fortunate enough to be on a stage lifting weights with men who at that time held world records in their specialty. The first time was when I was in ninth-grade and part of an undefeated football program. One other player and myself were invited on stage to lift a weight that evangelist and world record holder Paul Anderson had been working out with. The idea was to prove to the student body that the weight he had been curling with one arm was in fact extremely heavy. It was. You can imagine my embarrassment as we had to strain with all that we had to lift the bar far enough off of the floor to wobble off stage with it. It was especially bad when my English teacher had always referred to me as a BMOC. Looking back though I am fairly certain that it was the other guy's fault for that debacle.

The second time was many years later, after I was fully-grown and I had spent a lot of time in weight rooms. This world record holder was evangelist Paul Wren and he tipped the scales at 350 (+) pounds and the girth about his waist was more than sixty inches. In his sweat suit and with his cherubic smile always on display you would be reminded of a toddler; a size fifty toddler. Once again I was called forward to prove that the weight he was lifting was in fact extremely heavy. It was. As before there were two of us called to the platform to lift these weights. Apparently, for these world record holders only embarrassing one person at a time is never sufficient. Actually for that last part I am totally joking. Both men did evangelistic work and were (Paul Anderson died in 1994) superior individuals; also my family knows it is not possible to embarrass me. (A case in point would be if you saw how I dress to go out anywhere.) For this contest each time we had a successful lift; more weight was added to the bar. By the end of this contest he was able to get more weight off of the ground by himself than the two of us together could lift. Looking back though I am fairly certain that it was the other guy's fault for that debacle.

One of Paul Wren's ministries was traveling the country and preaching to men at different federal penitentiary's. He was probably most famous for asking for the biggest, baddest, (I am aware that it is slang but give me a break, it just sounds right) meanest, strongest, etceteras, inmate to come forward for a free punch. Do not be fooled by this Pillsbury Doughboy wannabe! You are far better off to try and punch a hole in a concrete wall with your naked fist, than to try and punch that enormous stomach. Believe this; he will laugh at you as you writhe in agony knowing for certain (and afraid to look) that your wrist, forearm bones and most of your knuckles on your right hand are crushed. I'm not actually from Missouri, but I had heard the stories, and well, he was just going to have to prove it to me. He did.

Paul told me that of the many hundreds of times he had men hit him, only one time did it really hurt at all. He said it was by far the hardest punch he had ever taken. It came from an ex NFL player that sometimes traveled with him whenever he would preach to the convicts as he was doing his prison ministry. He told me this story at least a full year after I had first met him; and it was at our first meeting that I had tried to punch him into submission. Looking back though I am fairly certain that Paul had meant to say that he had only been hurt twice when he had been punched. The first time was his friend from the NFL and the second time was when I had given him my best shot. My guess is that because he was a preacher he probably didn't want to give me the big head. I mean; he might have been laughing on the outside, but he was probably crying on the inside! And before you ask; yes, I do believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Sandman, thank you very much!

I am telling you these stories to give you some background and lay the groundwork for my new goal of altruism.

I have had surgery on my left knee and that was from playing football. The surgery on my right knee was from playing softball. My broken nose was the result of playing baseball. My right wrist was broken while getting ready for an upcoming weightlifting competition at the local "Y." I was practicing a snatch and an older friend of mine had put more weight on the bar than I had ever attempted. I completed the lift, but my momentum carried me past a straight and locked position. Instead of dropping the bar I rode it to the floor and landed on my back. When I stood up and let my right arm hang straight at my side the fingers on my right hand were all in a locked position and they were pointing straight back up at me. They were saying, "Yep, you're an idiot." Believe it or not, I even broke one of my fingers while swimming. SWIMMING! Yep, I'm an idiot. It wasn't that I was some great athlete playing all of these different sports. I was just trying to find something I could do that didn't always entail a trip to the emergency room after the game.

When I was younger my mom and dad always said that I got hurt because I tried so hard at everything that I did. My wife thinks that it is because I'm a klutz. Looking back though I am fairly certain that trying hard ... no ... klutz is right.

The above injuries that are stated in no way are to be considered a complete or comprehensive list; but rather it is a small sampling. There were many soft-tissue injuries, torn ligaments and dozens of stitches in myriad places on my body. I even have stitches and a deep and jagged scar on my tongue. (again, football) Before Michael Jordan was born I was already doing a famous impression of him. It might be okay to let your tongue loll out of your mouth while driving for a dunk. But let me tell you when it is not okay. It is when you are running with the ball and it is a game of tackle football, and there are people trying to knock you down! Yep, I'm an idiot.

Hang in there, I am getting close to telling you my idea, and the reason for this latest blog.

Sixteen years ago as a family we moved to this area and started over. At that time I changed from lifting weights to try and look good, to lifting to try and become seriously strong. Because I lifted 100% clean it took almost two years to add thirty-five pounds of body weight and at my strongest I weighed in at (105kg) 230 pounds. I worked out twenty days of every thirty-day period. During this time I also played in pick up basketball and football games; then there was softball. You would have thought that by now I would have learned. This time my fall, while running past first base (remember, klutz) would result in a shoulder injury that to this day causes me a lot of pain.

At that time I was in door to door sales and my sample kit only weighed about twenty-five pounds and I could not even lift that. For the next several months every time I had a sales call I had to take my wife or one of my daughters on my appointments with me so that they could carry the kit. The injury never did heal properly; probably because after the game and the expected and inevitable visit to the ER I never went back for more treatment. I told my wife that they couldn't do anything for me that I couldn't do for myself. I read up on rotator cuff injuries and separated shoulders. I never could find anything to read on; it sounds and feels like there are a lot of loose pieces of gravel in my shoulder whenever I move it. Thirteen years ago was the last time that I was able to do any real weightlifting.

But guess what? I didn't stop growing. I just grew in a different direction. My wife was waxing romantic one night and she said, ... "Do you remember when you used to have a six-pack and your stomach looked like a washboard?"
I said, "Hey, I still have a six-pack (it's in the frig) and now my stomach looks like a washtub." One out of two ain't all-bad.

If you put on body weight correctly you will grow physically stronger with every few pounds that you add. This is why there are so many weight divisions (8 for men) in lifting competitions. The heavier you are, the stronger you become. The key is putting on body weight correctly. Thirteen years of a sedentary lifestyle and still putting on body weight is not the correct way.

As the last strains of Auld Lang Syne were wafting through the airways of 2004 and 2005 was being born, I (along with a couple of billion people) made some resolutions. I won't give you my complete list, but I will tell you about one of them.

At my lightest weight I was only seven pounds. I admit that was forty-nine years ago and I had just been born. The other extreme though is even more ridiculous, three hundred and three pounds and that was very recently. (Editor's note: see above-mentioned resolution)

This is where you the reader and my partner in this endeavor come in. First, let me say that I make no presumption about life. That is, I know that when I say that I have a goal that I plan to see through by this November; I say it with the full knowledge that I might not even be around this November. I (like you) do not even have the promise of the next breath. In fact my life could end before this next keystroke is finis...........................just kidding, I'm really still here.

Okay, here it is. I decided to set some goals for myself that I wanted to do on my fiftieth birthday. (November 12, 2005) It had to be something that I would be incapable of doing in my present physical condition. On that day I plan to swim fifty laps in the Olympic size pool at the downtown YMCA, then I want to bench press a weight that (I'm sorry to say) I can not do in my present condition. I would like to tell you that I will use an Olympic bar and I will rack four 20kg weights on each end and I will lift this weight multiple times. Believe this when I tell you that such a weight always draws a crowd to watch in the weight room. But, such a weight would now only be in my dreams. I do plan though on having four of those weights (in total) and two 5.5kg weights on the bar and I will bench a total of 250 pounds. On that day I plan on biking 25 miles, and then I will get off of the bike and I will run...jog...walk or crawl; whatever it takes to complete another 25 miles for a combined total of 50 miles.

That's it; 50 laps swimming---250 pound bench press---a combined 50 miles of biking and jogging in one day and all of this on the day that I turn 50 years old!

The reason I said that the contest had already started is that since the first of this year (remember, resolution) I have been losing weight. At this writing I have lost 30 pounds and I am at 273. The problem is that it is hardly noticeable. I mean how many deck chairs would you have to throw off of a large battleship before you could tell that it was lighter? I have to tell you that I am still riding pretty low in the water.

It was because of the good response that I had with the treasure hunt that I decided to put this out on my blog. I had already planned to try to accomplish these things myself, but then I thought of a way that other people might benefit, if several of you folks became involved also. Before I ask you to join with me let me tell you that as modest as my goals might be to some of you; they are no longer a given for me.

I think I need to be no more than 200-210 in weight to be able to cover the distance that I have chosen on the bike and by foot. That means at least another 65-70 pound weight loss. Also I went to the "Y" two weeks ago to see if it were even possible for me to be able to do what I am planning. Thirteen years ago I would place one 20kg weight on each end of the bar and I could do 45 reps with this weight, before I had to rest. Two weeks ago this measly 135 pounds had my shoulder hurting at three reps. Because of my shoulder I was only able to do six laps in the pool before my crawl had become a dog paddle. I wear a brace on my right knee to keep it from hurting as I walk and most nights I sleep sitting up in a chair because my shoulder hurts whenever I lay on it. If I would only record myself trying to get dressed in the morning we might be able to send it to America's Funniest Home Videos and win their grand prize of $10,000.00 (dollars). I put one leg in the opening and leave the other pant leg on the floor, then I sort of hop stiff legged into the other opening. It's sort of like (blindfolded) pinning the tail on the donkey, only not that accurate. Sometimes it takes awhile. It's a hoot!

Then, there is the fifty miles that I need to cover outdoors; I live in the Midwest and my birthday is in the fall. This means most probably that the weather will be cold to frigid. If any person reading this has asthma, then you will know why this could be a problem for me, nuff said.

In my last posted blog I said that what I am doing will be mostly altruistic on my part and 100% altruistic on your part; here is why. If I accomplish these things, then that will mean that I have to be in better physical shape than I am at this present time. Also, I will feel an emotional lift from accomplishing a goal that I have set for myself. So, I will have gained in both a physical and psychological way. Your contribution though would be true altruism. If I am able to do these things on November 12, 2005, I am asking you (the reading public that is following this blog) to contribute money to any charitable organization of your choice; it could be a favorite missionary, your home church, American Cancer Society, etceteras. What I am asking is that whatever you give and to whomever it is that you give, that it must be above and beyond what you normally give anyway.

It honestly could be one-dollar that you pledge to a charity, but it must be a dollar that you had not already planned to give. All that I ask, if you decide to do this with me is that you email me (clarkmatthews1@aol.com) with the name of the charity that you are pledging and how much you are going to give. In return, I will keep you all updated with my physical progress and reports from other people that might join in.

During my seven-week contest on the treasure hunt I had 1,017 hits and seventeen different time zones had logged on to see our blog. This seven-month contest has the potential for many times that number of people joining in. And to be completely honest a lot of people could benefit from this contest, as different charitable organizations would receive more money. In my last contest; (trying to find a publisher for my novel---James Christens) only the contest winners and myself stood to gain anything.

As a way of officially kicking this contest off; if I accomplish all that I am trying to do on my fiftieth birthday I pledge to the Asthma Foundation the sum of $50.00 (dollars). Just think; if each of the 1,017 hits represented one person, and they all promised only one dollar to a charity, then we would have raised $1,067.00 (dollars) and everyone involved would be better off for it.

Finally, for this posting. As November 12 draws closer I will make public the place I plan to swim; lift, run and bike. On that day if any of you would like to join me for any part of it, I would feel honored.

I will post updates each weekend.

(April 10th. 8:46 p.m.) This week I dropped another three pounds. I know, a few more straws out of a large hayfield and it's still hard to tell that there is a difference. But you have to admit that it is positive that it was a negative number, huh?

On our blogs we are now up to 19 of the possible 24 time zones logging on to read. Although I say that there are 24 possibilities, I may have to change that to 23 possibilities. I know that there are 24 time zones, but I can not find any country that falls into the negative 2 time zone.

It seems that the number of recognized countries in the world is not a hard and fast number. Depending on which authority you believe there are between 189 and 194 countries in the world. Our very own State Department recognizes 192, so I suppose that is the number that I will use. By using these figures we have heard from time zones that represent 77% of all recognized nations. I have to admit that I would also like to hear from that remaining 23%. These time zones are; +2 /+3 /+4 / and +12.

I have had some interesting an amusing emails this week. Please keep them coming. I am waiting on permission from two of the writers to publish part of what they sent to me.

As of this writing we are now at $107.00 promised to different charities if I am able to complete all of my goals. A recent writer said he felt confident that he could promise a million dollars to a charity (not that he had a million) and still be sure that he would not have to part with any of it. That is, if my shape (light bulb - pear - tomato - etcetera) was what I said that it is. I'm sorry to have to report; it is.

I am planning two workout periods this week and one run..... Okay, you got me; one workout and a jog.....Alright, already; a brisk walk and one less cheese pizza, are you happy now?

(April 17, 8:22 P.M.)

I'm afraid that I do not have a lot to report for this week. I did get one more email promising $20.00 to another charity. We are now at $127.00 and five different charities that money is going to be given to if I am able to accomplish all of my goals.

I did lose four more b-b's out of the boxcar and I'm still not sure that anyone can see a difference. I have noticed though that this week anytime that I had to walk backwards I didn't make that annoying beeping sound.

I have found the pictures that I was looking for and I hope to have them posted soon.


April 21, 12:10 a.m.

14 years old - 140 pounds: This was my first trip to California. If you wonder about the picture on the wall with naked people dancing around a fire; I'm not sure what it is either, my brother-in-law drew it.





16 years old - 160 pounds: My second trip to California. This picture was taken outside of Grumman's Chinese Theatre. If you are wondering about the pants or the hair; remember this was 1972.




21 years old - 205 pounds: I am now married and I have my two young daughters with me. My mom and my brother are also pictured. He longs for those days because he has put on approximately 90 pounds since then and he is in the neighborhood of 240 pounds. And I'm here to tell you that it is a large neighborhood.





27 years old - 185 pounds: I am with my middle, and our third (and last) daughter. I am probably my most cut here, as I have been lifting light weights to exhaustion for the past few years. It was during this period of my life that I knew Paul Wren. At that time I carried a six-pack. Now whenever I want to carry a six-pack, I have to go to the store and it costs about $7.00. Then I carry it home and put it in the frig ... and then ...




34 years old - 200 pounds: My wife kept asking, "Where's my picture? -- What about me?" She pleaded, begged, cajoled and finally cried. So, being the softy that I am I finally relented and included this picture. We had only been in the Louisville area for about two months when this picture was taken. Over the next two years I will add thirty pounds of body weight and will workout some 400 times. At thirty-six I will hurt my shoulder and quit lifting weights for a thirteen year period. The next picture of me taken late last year will bring you up to date





49 years old - 303 pounds: This picture of me was taken at our last New Year's Eve party that we were hosting. I had just finished a snack. I think it was a worm of some kind ... no, not a worm exactly, because it had several pairs of legs. Now that I'm thinking about it maybe it was part lizard, because it sort of crawled down my throat. Mmmm, lizard, the other white meat.

I digress. Anyway, I was waddling to my frig and I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror. It was not a pretty sight.

For many years of my life I had been called big and strong. For the last thirteen years of my life I did not lift weights. Now I was ... well ... only big. It just doesn't have the same sort of ring to it.

Which would you rather do; purchase something from the "Big and Tall Store," or buy it from the "Big Store?" See what I mean. When you only have one part of a two part phrase, it sort of loses its panache.

Anyway, since I can't be strong anymore I guess I don't want to be big either. That way if a little child would see me; they might say something like, "Look mom, see that guy over there, he's not big ... or ... strong." Hmmm, I'll have to think about that one.

Look for my post next week and I will update the donations and I will name the charities that have been pledged so far.

Notice my red eyes in this last picture; apparently I have been doing more than just carrying my latest six pack.



May 11th. 12:28 a.m.

We now have 20 time zones that have logged onto our blog. We are missing; +2 / +3 / +4 / and + 12.

Also we have seven charities that have been promised money, If I complete all of my goals on November 12. The total money so far is $197.00.

Among the seven charities that have been named so far (are); the Asthma Foundation, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and The American Cancer Society.

As you may have guessed that last picture that I posted was not actually of me. It was just that we have a lot of the same characteristics. Example; Jabba and I both have more chins than a Chinese phone book.

Keep in mind that any and all of the money that is being promised to charities is to be sent to them as soon after November 12 as is reasonably possible. That is assuming that I accomplish all of my goals.

I live in the Midwest and I would also like to hear from anyone that would like to join me for any of the planned activities on November 12. Thanks, CM

Watch for regular updates.


May 24th. 5:35 a.m.

Sunday I brought home a Vital Fitness RB26S reclining stationary bike; this thing has all of the "bells and whistles." It is now set up in my bedroom and ready to use. I was hoping it would help me to reach my goals just by having it, but it appears as if I am actually going to have to use it.

Later today (Tuesday) I am also re-joining the downtown YMCA, but just like the bike, I am probably going to have to actually use both the pool and the weight rooms. It's a shame that membership alone is not enough to get the job done.

I am at one-hundred and seventy-two days and counting.

May 25th. 5:23 a.m.

My middle daughter and I joined the "Y" yesterday afternoon. We are going for our first workout in a little while.

Yesterday morning I got a "hit" from another time zone; we are down to needing only three more; +3 / +4 / and +12.

We are now at eight charities being pledged money and a total of $247.00. The latest charity has a local flavor; it is the Home of the Innocents and it has been pledged $50.00.

One-hundred seventy-one days and counting.

June 2, 11:53 p.m. Yesterday my middle daughter and I spent approximately six hours at the downtown "Y." Included in the workout was a complete circuit of the "B" machines; also we did treadmill, free weights and more than an hour in the deep end of the pool in aerobic exercises.

Early yesterday I also received a "hit" from +3 time zone. All that I need now are the +4 and + 12 and I will have heard from every time zone on planet earth. Pretty neat huh?

Some of those countries that are needed are not exactly household names. (+4) Mauritius, Afghanistan, Reunion, United Arab Emirates and Seychelles. (+12) Chatham Island, Kiribati, Nauru, Fiji and Wake Island.

Twenty-three weeks and two days and counting.

As I post this update it will be the early morning hours of June 29th. Today I celebrate my 11th anniversary of becoming vegetarian. There is also another milestone with this posting; I just heard from the +12 time zone and that brings our total to 23 of the possible 24 time zones on Earth having logged on to our blogs. Where are all of you in the +4?

Last week I received my bike. I now have the three things I believe are necessary to help me attain my goals; my gym membership, stationary bike, and the bike I will ride for 25 miles on my birthday.

My next post I will update where I am at on my goals and the contributions promised to the different charities. Thanks for being a part of this. CM

137 days and counting!

Thanks for checking back with me. A lot has been happening these past several weeks. I think I will be able to accomplish all of the goals that I set for myself. The one that is giving me the hardest time is the one that I used to excel at. Everytime that I try to put any heavy weights on the bar it again feels like my shoulder wants to give out. I am trying to fight through that.

I am down to my last notch on my incredibly long belt. Once I am through with it I plan on donating it to some school. It could be used by a team of kids playing jump rope or for an entire class to use in a tug-of-war game. Yesterday I did retire another set of blue jeans. I am using these as a tarp to cover a lawn tractor.

At this time eleven charities has been promised money. I would like to see that doubled in the next several weeks. Also, we still have not heard from anyone in the + 4 time zone.

If everything goes as planned at the end of this contest I will show some before and after pictures.

We are down to 112 days and counting.

Today is Saturday, August 6, 2005; this marks the 150th. anniversary of Bloody Monday. It also is 21,915 days or the 60th. anniversary of Hiroshima. And believe it or not there are only ninety-eight days (just fourteen short weeks) until "Sweaty Saturday." That of course will be the day of our little contest which is November 12th.

Let's see ... "Bloody Monday," ... "Hiroshima," ... "Sweaty Saturday," ... yeah ... I think that will be right up there with those historical events.

This week I am to begin more serious stretching exercises on my shoulder to try and loosen it up. As of this writing I can't lift my right arm above my head. If this continues, I might have to do a fifty lap dog-paddle. Wouldn't that be fun?

See you next week.

Today is Monday, August 29th, and this past Saturday was only eleven weeks (only 77 days) to the momentous day. Actually it probably won't be a momentous day, it is just that I recently read a fun book and it had that phrase in it and I wanted to have a place to use that saying.

I did put on a livestrong (Armstrong) yellow bracelet Saturday and I will leave it on until I complete my goals that I set. The way that my shoulder has felt the last several weeks that may mean I will be wearing it for the rest of my days.

My middle daughter and her husband came back today from a vacation in Disney World and they brought me a nice workout shirt that I will wear on November 12th. as I attempt my goals.

In order to try and reach an acceptable weight loss, 21 days ago I began keeping a detailed diary of everything that I eat during the day. I can only say that it is a good thing that I record it on a word processor instead of hard copy. (paper) My office study is only a 12' x 10' room and it probably could not contain the pages.

I have been doing a few miles of road work every day as I am trying to get ready for the distance I must travel by foot. It hasn't been as bad as I thought it might be, but the real test will start next week as I do this road work without the benefit of my automobile.

See you next week.

Today is Saturday, September 3rd. and I have only 70 days left to get ready.

This morning I went to the "Y" to get in a workout and my weigh in. Before I went I shaved my mustache and goatee. I also had my wife set the clippers to 1/4 inch and I buzzed my head. After all, I figured hair must weigh a few ounces and at this point every little bit matters.

I sort of look like a fat Telly Savalis. I will begin today sucking on a lolipop. "Who loves ya baby?"

See you next week.

Today’s date is Friday September 23, 2005 and it is the first full day of fall and my favorite time of year. Also there are only fifty days to fifty years. I am beginning my final push to the end of my contest, and I am trying to come up with a nifty saying or title to kick this off, but it seems that the ones I like someone else has already used.

"From Here to Eternity," of course it is a movie title but if you think about it that is still apropos. How about, "War and Peace?" I mean, I am somewhat at peace now but a struggle of sorts will break out in fifty days. No? Okay then I am going with, "Fifty Days to Fifty Years!" Maybe that title would be good enough for a movie of the week? No? Okay then how about for a blogspot read by several hundred people? Alrighty then, 50/50 it is.

In Leviticus chapter twenty-five God is instructing His children on the law of the land. In verse four of that chapter, God tells them that each and every seven-year period the land needs a rest. Then there is a special rest that comes after seven; seven-year periods (49 years) and verse eight of that chapter explains this. Now, Leviticus 25:11-12a: (states) "A jubile shall that fiftieth year be unto you: ye shall not sow, neither reap that which groweth of itself in it, nor gather the grapes in it of thy vine undressed. For it is the jubile; it shall be holy unto you:"

Every seven-year period the land was rested so that it would not become too depleted and crops would not flourish. But this particular jubile period everything from the land to animals and even the people received a special rest and all of this for much the same reasons. It was to be a time of refreshing. After forty-nine years of wear and care a rest was very much needed.
I would like to take advantage of a year without work, but the problem is I am not a Jewish man. In addition, I can not claim to be a parcel of land, even though I might be cracked, rutted, furrowed, potholed, eroded, pitted and bumpy. It would still be a bit of a stretch to claim this promise on that premise.

My only hope lies in the animal kingdom. Let’s see; oxen are yoked and I have been in a yoke (of sorts) since October 3, 1973. Note to self: "Make sure wife doesn’t see this blogspot entry."

I have worked like a mule since I was fourteen-years-old. There is one other attribute that I share with this animal, but I don’t want to talk about that just now.

An elephant immediately comes to mind; … because of course they have such a good memory. Let’s see … hmmm … any other attributes I share with that big handsome creature? Nope, I think a good memory just about covers it.

I am faithful like a dog and share a name with a bird. (I bet you have a time figuring that last one out since my name is Clark Matthews.)

I am nimble like a cat. If you read this entire blog, then you will know that I am lying about this one. Maybe I just mean that I land on my feet after one of my many falls. Or if not always landing on my feet, so far at least I have been able to slowly get to my knees and then stumble to my feet and then finally I can limp away. After reading that account do you see what I mean about the mental picture of a nimble cat immediately springing to mind?

Then of course I can eat like a shark and fight like a titmouse. (I really do not know if a titmouse can fight well or not, it is just that when I was thinking of animals and I thought of that name, I liked the sound of it; titmouse … titmouse … titmouse … I amuse easily.)

Because this is a family blog I will not tell you about an attribute that I share with the rabbit family. I could go on all day, but I think that I share enough attributes with different animals of the animal kingdom so that I can take a year off from working beginning with my fiftieth birthday. In order to do this I must of course weigh the pros and the cons.

Pro: a year off work! … That pretty much says it all. But as I continued to think about it I thought of one that is both pro and con. Pro: lose a lot of weight and permanently keep it off.

Con: lose a lot of weight and permanently keep it off. The reason that this is also a con is that without money there would be no food and I would slowly starve to death. I also thought about having a bunch of skinny dogs and cats walking around and how that might look to the neighbors. With the ferrets it would be hard to tell, they always look emaciated anyway; kind of like Vienna sausages with attached head and tail.

But I do have one dog in particular that would concern me. He has a massive head. Earlier this week I was watching a cartoon in prime time (Family Guy) and one of the characters was picturing Ponce de Leon entering the Fountain of Youth as an adult. He entered the pond only to his neck and then he left the waters. Immediately the part of his body that had gotten wet had reverted to being a baby, but the head was still adult sized? Naturally the small neck couldn’t support the massive weight and the head lolled to the side of the body and rested on the ground. I am afraid that is what would happen to Virgil, my wonderful bigheaded dog.

Because of that; rutted, potholed and all I will continue to work so that my boy and his little friends won’t end up with skinny bodies and impossibly large heads.

I have been in contact with a publishing company for my book (James Christens) that I have on my other blog. Because we are at the point that I have asked to see a contract that I might read, I have decided to close down that blogspot. I would like to thank all of the people that have read my manuscript and those that took part in the contest. If I ultimately decide to publish with them I will pass the particulars of when the book would be released, etceteras on this blog.

The blog that you are presently reading I plan to keep up and running at least until the end of this year.

See you next week.

October 4, 2005 8:45 pm - Exactly 32 years ago at about this time in the evening I was breaking into a house (that didn't belong to me) in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Maybe before you notify the police about some crazy person on a blogspot, I'll explain.

At seventeen years of age my girlfriend (wife now) and I decided to run away and get married. We left Parkersburg, WV. early on the morning of the third and we were heading to Mexico, by way of California.

I had heard their saying, "Leave the driving to us" and we were fleeing by the big dog. (Greyhound bus) While they were cleaning the bus at a Tulsa stop we saw two police cars pull into the lot and they were talking to our driver. I had removed my socks and I was barefoot. (keep in mind the state that were were fleeing from) Hurriedly, I slipped my shoes on and we fled leaving behind everything that we had brought with us. Food, extra clothes, camera, etceteras. We had exactly to our name, what we were wearing.

A large trucking company held an adjoining lot to the Greyhound station and from behind the large tires on an eighteen wheeler we watched the police search the bus. I can only hope from our confiscated goods that if they ate any of the snack cakes that they fell desperately ill. I hold grudges!

We walked a set of railroad tracks for hours trying to figure out what to do, giving up was not an option. My feet had begun to blister because I had no socks and finally I saw off in the distance a house. As we got closer we could see that it was a shack, literally.

We made sure that no one was around and I broke the door in and that is where we spent the night. See, now you can rest easy as my house breaking was no big deal after all. I will tell you what is a big deal though. There are only 39 short days left! And I'm not talking about shopping days till Christmas.

See you next week.

October 15th, 2005. 28 Days. The title of a silly movie, and the number of days I have left. I'm heading to the gym bright and early Monday morning, and hopefully will have before and after pictures to show you soon.

See you next week.

November 1, 2005. "One of Kentucky's most breathtaking runs --- in more ways than one --- will take place Nov. 12 out of Slade in Natural Bridge State Resort Park." I thought, ..."What is that all about?" I am used to seeing this paper get it all wrong anyway but at least they got the breathtaking part right and the date but my run takes place in southern Indiana. Then I saw that the article in Sunday's Curious Journal was talking about another event after all.

Eleven days to go and I still only need six months more training until I'm ready. I am thinking that it might be real and it might even be fun but I am pretty certain that it will not be real fun.

See you soon.

Saturday November 5, 2005 and we have seven days to go.

Last night I was given a surprise birthday party by my wife and my immediate family. Through the years I have had many great birthday parties given to me by friends and family. But last night for my fiftieth party was the best one yet. It was a 'roast' and there was some of the funniest material that anyone has heard. Dean Martin, eat your heart out.

From my brother; to son-in-laws and even a niece, I had the hilarious opportunity to see myself through another's eyes. It wasn't a pretty sight! While it was true that I did receive presents, the best 'gift' was getting most of my immediate and some of my extended family together at the same time.

To all who was there I want to thank you for a great evening.

If things go as planned this time next Saturday I will have completed my bike ride and will have a lot of the run behind me.

I am not sure if I will post anymore until everything is done. Most of this will be taking place in America's Place and the YMCA. If you are bored, can't sleep, full of vim and vinegar or you just don't have anything better to do you are welcome to join me.

See you next week.

P.S. What exactly is vim and vinegar?

Sunday November 13, 2005

FINISHED!!! Well, which one do you want first; the good news or the bad? ... I'm waiting. Okay, since I can not tell your thoughts I will give the good news first. I am done with all of the various items that I planned for myself. The bad news is that I am still wearing my (livestrong) bracelet.

If you remember in an earlier posting I stated that I would wear this particular bracelet until I accomplished all of my goals. Since I usually do not wear any type of jewelry this is especially irksome.

First let me tell all of you that promised money to any charities that you are all released from your pledges, but my pledge to you the reader is that none of the various charities will miss out on what has been promised. From the beginning I had planned that if I was incapable of completing all that I had set out that my wife and I would cover what monies had been pledged. The only difference will be that they will have to wait until after the first of the new year until they receive the money but they will get it.

Beginning at 12:01 am on Saturday morning my oldest daughter met me at my house and I began with the 25 miles on foot. During every event but swimming, my wife, daughters, and one of my sons-in-law joined me for various events. For 2.5 miles of the road-work on foot, I even had 2 of my seven dogs with me. I'll give you a little breakdown.

I was never particularly good with covering distance on foot. I always figured that is what cars and motorcycles were for. Even as a boy in school the only track and field that I was any good at was the events that relied more on strength than endurance or speed. But, mission accomplished; 25 miles on foot!

The bike ride was grueling and not because of what you might at first think. It was the seat. After fifteen miles I thought with this much intimacy we should have at least traded phone numbers. At twenty-five miles, I knew I had been violated. I think someone owes me a dinner and a movie. I feel ... well ... used. (I'm so ashamed)

Several years ago my wife had a tape that was called, Buns of Steel. I never saw it but it had to be speaking about cyclists. Lance Armstorng must have callouses on place that are not to be believed. I can only say for sure that I am glad that I am at the place where I have no intention of fathering any more children. Come to think about it, after last night that is probably no longer an option for me anyway. But, mission accomplished; 25 miles on the bike!

I have swam in two oceans, many rivers and countless streams and lakes. Also as a boy I once swam in a man-made sewer, no kidding. Bet you would like to meet and shake my hand now, wouldn't you? I also worked as a life-guard for the largest pool in the Eastern United States. I am telling you this to say that even though I have swam a lot, I am not particularly good at it. I'm not sure how all of those thousands of young people would feel if they knew that a person that was hired to save them from drowning would admit that he is not a particularly good swimmer?

I began my swim in the same lane as another swimmer which happened to be female. I was primarily trying to do an overhand crawl. This woman was evidently practicing at least four disciplines. She was beating me up and down the length of the pool. I was glad when the next lane became empty and I went under the rope and swam in my own lane. But, I still kept my eye on her!

When she went to the back-stroke I thought okay this is it, if she beats me in this one I am going to slip under the rope and drown her before she realizes what is happening. I had been watching the female life-guard on the stand and she was more interested in talking to a boy standing by her chair than she was in watching the pool. That was great for me in case I had to put my nefarious plan into action.

Luckily for the woman in the lane next to me, I was able to stay ahead of her while she was in the back-stroke. Then I had a disturbing thought. No, not the one that I just talked about. You know ... drowning a complete stranger. This thought was truly abhorrent. Since it had not been announced that I was racing her, she might only be doing a quarter of what she was capable of. I shudder at that thought. But, mission accomplished; 50 laps in the pool.

Physically there was only one thing that I had always been somewhat good at and that was lifting weights. The "Y" didn't open until 8:00 am on Saturday morning and I had been laboring through biking and on foot to cover some miles on the road through the early morning hours. But I had determined to stop what I was doing and get to the weight room before it got busy.

I did three sets (10-8-7) with a light 135 on the bar so that I would have my chest warmed up. Then I put 225 on the bar and it felt fairly light and it easily went up. I had one of my sons-in-law with me and he added another 25 pounds to the bar. 25 measly pounds. My foot weighs more! You might as well have stapled the bar to my chest. Gravity pulled it down and my arms said, "Unh, unh, no way Hosea." I tried this twice with the same results.

The most embarrasing part was that 250 would have been a starter weight for me just a few years ago to warm up with. Now I had an idiot smile tattooed to my face as I had to say, "Get it off."

The part of the regimen that should have been the easiest was my Achilles Heel; $@#*%*$! I won't cuss, but if you will write a bunch of bad words on a piece of paper I will sign my name to it!

Tomorrow morning I will be back at the "Y' and I will work until I can get the 250 up and then I am now determined to keep lifting until I can again bench something respectable. I will post when I get there.

I honestly want to thank my family for being a part of this and for joining me in bits and parts of everything that I did. I also would like to thank everyone from 23 of the 24 time-zones on Earth that at some point read my blog and( or) participated with me in this contest.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. CM

PS - The stationary bike that I had bought is being advertised for sale on a downtown bulletin board in Louisville beginning tomorrow morning. The only reason the hated pedal bike is still in my shed is because it wouldn't fit in the back of my daughter's Explorer. But, believe me I will get it to their garage very soon.

Finally. I had one of my sons-in-law suggest that since I was trying to get everything by the number 50; then I completed all of my goals. He said that 225 equals 50. That is 2 - 25's = 50. I have only one question for him. "Where were you when I was putting this together?" I mean if I had thought of that in the beginning I would have been successful in my attempts.

See you soon.

April 1, 2006 9:00 P.M.

Wimmern, distorsione di velocita, ululacion, or wow, in any language it just means that I am through with my contest. My body is once again a "jewelry free zone."

Sorry it has taken me so long to write anything. I will try to be a little more faithful to keep you up with some things that are going on. I have finished my second book (142,000 + words) and I am about 7,000 words into my third book.

I would like to thank those that still log on to see if I have put anything new into my blog. I will write again soon. CM

April 11, 2006 9:45 A.M.

Two things I would like to tell all of you. First; this morning as I logged onto this blog I had one entry from the +4 time zone. This means that we have now heard from every time zone on planet Earth! I know that for some of you that probably does not mean a lot, but it made me happy. (note) - I amuse easily.

The second thing is that this morning, about an hour ago, I finished my third book. This one though is actually more of a short story; just under 15,000 words. But, it was fun to write and I will probably start another one soon. The idea that I have for the next one will be novel length, that is 120,000 words or more. My next idea has to do with the inner workings of a natioanl lottery.

I will write to each of you soon. Thanks for continuing to log on to see the new postings. This morning when I saw that the +4 was represented, there were eight other zones on also. Again, thanks. CM

October 25, 2006 8:00 P.M.

Hi again, I am sorry that I have not been keeping up with new postings. Life happens!

My third and last new book that I was writing, I finished it and turned it in as a short story. Tomorrow my oldest daughter and I are going out to take some pictures for the cover of the book. Watch for it, the title is; The Litterbug. It is a short read of only 45 pages. (16,000 + words)

I have a lot of news I would like to write about and I will be doing that very soon. Thanks, CM

June 1, 2007 9:00 P.M.

Hello, I finally got my book James Christens into hard copy publishing. As of this date I have had two book signings and I now have my book in two of our local lending libraries.

I will try and write a few lines every so often. Thanks, CM (really RLJ)

Sunday- November 11, 2007 - 8:40 p.m. (Happy Veteran's Day)

Tomorrow I will celebrate my 52nd. "birth"-day. Although, my life actually began 270 days before on Valentine's Day: Monday February 14th, 1955.

I suppose because it is a lover's holiday, my parents decided to "get busy." That Monday evening (Valentine's Day) I was born as a zygote: approximately the size of the period at the end of this sentence: 1 x 10-7 of an inch. (A lot has changed since that day!) Saturday, November 12, 1955, 270 days (9 months) 12 hours and 22 minutes after conception, I experienced my first "birth"-day.

I was born at 1258 Bryden Road in Columbus, Ohio and I was birthed at St. Ann's Hospital For Women: also in Columbus. At the time of my birth I had an older sister and an older brother. My dad was 36 years old and my mom was 28.

My brother is one year older than I am and my sister is eight years older. Although years separate our "birth"-dates, only mere days separate the time of year we all were born. My brother and I are ten days apart, and my sister and I are 14 days apart. Do you think it is possible that my parents only had fun, on or around Valentine's Day?

A guy at work today told me that at his age, he had quit looking forward to birthdays: I asked him if he has honestly considered the alternative?

My latest book (Mei Sermo) has been available on Lulu.com for sometime now. You can purchase it, or download it for free.

I will write more soon. Robin L. Johnson

posted by Robin Johnson @ 5:34 AM