HONESTLY: I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND... NOW, I THINK I DO!!!
Thursday March 6, 2014 7:04 pm
I was driving home tonight from work and talking to God. I really no longer ought to call it prayer as that isn't even remotely close? I think it is more like arguing? But in the end usually all that I hear when I ask “Why” is my own stupid voice resonating within the car.
Today it started because I am going to a funeral tomorrow of a really good kid. I usually hate death... except for one person I know and I long for his demise! I wanted to say that upfront so any who might read this will know I'm not a good person, and neither am I pretending otherwise. But, it's just that some men's deeds are so bad they have forfeited their right to continue breathing the same good air which decent men breathe.
If I'm alive and I ever hear the news that this bastard is dead, for only the second time in my life I will do my little “happy dance” before God! And I will praise Him that finally this man can no longer hurt innocent people. I swear if at that time I hear that wonderful news and I happen to be on my own deathbed, I will stand upon my two bare feet (hospital gown and all) and dance and play before God with all of my strength!
Kerry, was the young man from work who died suddenly in a car crash on Monday and I said to God on my way home, “Why, why couldn't it have been that old S.O.B. instead?” Why couldn't he have died in a fiery crash ten years ago and the world could have been done with him forever! And maybe... just maybe??? For the first time in quite some time I might have gotten my answer from God?
I Kings 19:11-12: “And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.”
Today in the car, I didn't hear a “still small voice,” instead I heard my mom's voice telling a story I hadn't thought of a single time in more than 50 years! My mom did some bookkeeping for a crotchety old man who owned a store in St. Mary's, West Virginia. In all the time I used to be there with her and hear people talk I never heard (not one time) any person say a good thing about this man. He seemed to be pretty much despised by everyone.
My mom had gone there to get her last pay because she was quitting and we were going to a funeral after that. I was six or seven and the man who died seemed old to me but he was actually somewhat young... maybe only in his forties? I'm not sure but I'm saying that because I remember Mom saying he was about Dad's age (and looking back now) that's how old Dad would have been at that time. As mom was getting her check she finally told the old guy what she thought of him.
I remember she told him that he was a thief and a sinner and he cheated people in his store all the time. He shot back and said, “Lady, I can't sin... Jesus died for my sins.” Mom told him that he would get his in due time and we walked out of the store. In the car she told me that it was evil men like him who hid behind God but they were really the worst type of men.
Anyway, we left there and had gone to the funeral home and someone said to Mom how could something like this happen to the guy who had died and the old man in town everyone disliked seemed like he would live for ever? In my car today and in my mind as clear as a bell I could hear my mom say, “God doesn't want him, and the devil already has too many just like him!” I thought, “Wow!” A person can do certain bad things that might cause God to not want them and the devil already had hell full of people just like them! So, maybe I had my answer after all from a story I heard once, and that 50 years ago. For I know a person who fits that perfectly: old, and a degenerate sinner who needs to die... and yet lives on!
Then there is poor Kerry, a young black man who was universally liked. He was a college graduate and said recently he was going back to school at Kentucky to do undergraduate work. He was decent, moral and just an upright young man who any person would have been proud had he been their son! So, as I was arguing (praying, take your pick) with God and wanting an answer to my simple question? Why does a young, good, boy die and there are men like the one I know still living and one who by his actions is evil! Then, in my mom's voice I really think I had my answer from God.
So, I still was not given an answer as to “Why did Kerry die?” But I think I now know why the other old man still lives? God doesn't want him... and hell is nearly full of old men exactly like him!