Sunday, March 30, 2014

I'M OFF!!!!!!!

Sunday March 30, 2014 9:16 pm


As the title suggests... emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and even metaphysically: I'm off! However, for this one title only I'm meaning... work!

I'm so glad to be done for a week (at least) and heading out Tuesday and happy to be gone for a few days... even if it is only for a few?

I hope any and all who reads this has a good week! I'm not sure if I will write anything else before I leave and most probably nothing while I'm gone? If plans go according to Hoyle... soon I will be drinking tequila and sucking on a big fat Cuban cigar with my … in the sand and my feet in the ocean!!! 

BTW, who the H&*% is Hoyle???

LOVING YOU


Sunday March 30, 2014 10:30 am

Can love change? Can love end? Can love become hate? No... No... No!!! Not true love, not real love! There is a famous sonnet by Shakespeare where he likens 'true love' to the North star. It is simply and forever a fixed and unchanging point of light!

Hurt can cause doubt! Longing and separation can make love, at times, seem not to even be worth it! However, at the end of the day and despite the hurt, the heartache, the need, the sadness... there is still the present knowledge that love yet endures!!!!!!!

Shakespeare wrote that “love is not love which alters when it alteration finds...” Simply stated he is saying that regardless what changes might occur in a relationship: love itself can never change!

I love the lines which state that true love will outlast time! (It gives me hope that in a timeless eternity things will finally work out!) The longest life on Earth when compared to time is so very brief! In this sonnet he compares a life lived in terms of "brief hours and weeks..." But at the end of time... love is still there! “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom.” He also wrote that love is, "... not Time's fool..." Though 'time' robs us of all things... even that hateful specter of time can not steal away true love!

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! It is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

The ending is perfect! After explaining what true love is, he wrote that if he is wrong about it: the idea of true love... then he, Shakespeare, never wrote... and no man ever loved!!! (If this error upon me be proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.)

I think Love, true love can be the greatest blessing God ever bestowed upon the heart of man. Yet, at the same time and for myriad reasons... love, true love can be a damnable curse as well!!! For it can steal away a man's happiness :(

Saturday, March 29, 2014

905


Saturday March 29, 2014 10:40 pm

Have you ever set a date... drawn a line in the sand... or proclaimed something could now be “set in stone?” Well, 9:05 pm tonight was my date, my line, and my set in stone (take it to the bank) proclamation! For better or for worse, I guess... I just don't really care.

I hope everyone has a good night.

JUST 30 DAYS LEFT :)


Saturday March 29, 2014 8:38 am

As of today I have exactly 30 days to reach my first phase of my weight loss goals. There are a couple of reasons why I chose April 27 to be that date to be at the weight I chose... one of them is that I will be getting my third tattoo on that date. 

At this time I only have one other tattoo planned that I will ever get. However, that one might still be somewhere farther into my future? I know what it is... I already have a picture and I know where I want it: it will be over my heart: still though... it could be awhile for that one though I am planning on having it one day.

I work today and tomorrow and then I'm off for a week! I'm seriously looking forward to being off! It's raining and cool here this morning but definitely spring is in the air... finally!!!

In a few minutes I will leave for work so I just wanted to say to any who might read this that I hope you have a safe and fun day today!

Friday, March 28, 2014

WORK... GOTTA HATE IT!


Friday March 28, 2014 1:56 pm

I'm leaving for work in a few minutes as I close, 3-11... ugh! Then, I work two more and am off for a week. I'll be leaving for Hilton Head Tuesday and back the following Sunday.

About an hour ago I was heading to Tammy's (my oldest daughter) house to drop some things off and I was listening to the radio... I had already heard several songs playing as I had been out for awhile. Then, I heard the familiar opening notes to that one song :( I looked at the clock: 12:42. Oh well, it wasn't the song that was playing as I turned my radio on so I figured I would try to listen to it all the way through? I couldn't... hahahaha

Anyway, I think it will be awhile before I turn the radio on again... at least for me. I will probably have to have something playing on the trip to the beach so two of my young granddaughters won't become too bored? However, I will more than likely stay away from country music stations :)

I hope anyone who reads this has a very good day today.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

WHAT ARE THE ODDS???


Thursday March 27, 2014 12:16 pm

If there is a true mathematician out there who reads this I would be interested to find out what is the statistical probability of something that happened to me yesterday, and then again this morning? I really like numbers but this equation is above my understanding on how to figure it?

I also know I would need much more data to be given a fair chance of knowing it, like the number of songs played per hour, etc. But, I will relate what happened so that even a person with rudimentary math skills could tell in an instant it was unusual... to say the least!

Yesterday was a hard day for me so after 530 pm I decided to leave and sulk and maybe find solace? I figured whiskey sours might do the trick? I got in my car and started to drive away and I turned the radio on to a preset station (103.1) and a song was playing: Mine Would Be You. He was at the part where he sang, “...The best love ever Girl, can you tell me the one thing you'd rather die than lose? Cause mine would be you...” I quickly turned the radio off. I glanced at the time... 5:46 pm.

This station that I usually listen to is supposed to play no repeats in a day. So, I figured this is a much liked song and I imagined now must be the time of day it plays on its rotation?

This morning I had an early appointment so I got in my car and as I was driving away I switched the radio on and the SAME SONG was playing, but this time he is singing, “... What's your double dare, your go all in? The craziest thing you ever did? Plain as your name in this tattoo look on my arm, mine would be you...” I quickly switched it off. I noticed the time: 8:09 am!

Now, what do you think the odds are that I get into my car on two separate days: once in the late afternoon and once in the early morning and switch on a station that has NO REPEATS in the same day of playing their songs... and THAT SONG is playing!!!

I swear, if I ever have the courage to listen to the radio again and if Shelton is somewhere in the middle of that song when I turn it on then I'm fairly confident I would never voluntarily turn another radio on in my lifetime... ever!!!

Well, I'm showered and I just put a necklace around my neck, E (my traveling companion) is with me. My lucky rock is deep in my right pocket and I just slipped my hiking bracelet back on my right wrist... where I think it belongs!!!!!!!

Now, I'm off and I'm hoping to have a happier day today! I also wish the same for any and all who might stumble across my rantings... I wish you too to have a very happy day today!

HEARTACHE

Thursday March 27, 2014 6:07 am

I whiled away the early morning hours thinking and reading. No calls or more emails for me, just me and my thoughts. Trust me, that can be pretty scary. I was thinking again this morning that all great songs, poems, and stories are all culled from terrible loss! In this poem her name is Lenore. However, her name isn't important, other than to the one who is grieving her loss. I think that life and men's hearts are almost always filled with ...... ??? It seems that only the names change... but the sadness is universal and all for the very same reason: a love was lost!

THE RAVEN ~ by Edgar Allen Poe


Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore —
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visiter," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —
Only this and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; – vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow – sorrow for the lost Lenore —
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore —
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me – filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"'Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door —
Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; —
This it is and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you" – here I opened wide the door; ——
Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" —
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore —
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—
'Tis the wind and nothing more!"

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door —
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door —
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore —
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning – little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door —
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered – not a feather then he fluttered —
Till I scarcely more than muttered "Other friends have flown before —
On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore —
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never – nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore —
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee – by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite – respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore;
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil! —
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted —
On this home by Horror haunted – tell me truly, I implore —
Is there – is there balm in Gilead? – tell me – tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us – by that God we both adore —
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore —
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting —
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! – quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted – nevermore!

WELL THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG???


Thursday March 27, 2014 12:17 am

I'm tired... really tired but still I won't be able to sleep. I know why. In order to rest and actually sleep a person has to be able to either turn thoughts off or at least tamp them down to some bearable degree, and I can do neither one.

So, I'm sitting in a darkened room (my office) with the light from my two monitors burning my eyes and I have been just sort of looking around... and not really seeing anything that I've been looking at. Have you ever done that? News stories don't capture my imagination and I've already picked up and started to read three different books that I like and have read before: yet, I can't get past the first few pages in any of them. Bored I guess?

Oh yeah, I know... I'm a liar. Usually it takes longer than just 48 hours for me to be found out, but I said early Tuesday morning that I was stopping this for awhile... writing blogs I mean. Maybe sometime I will, for real. But for now maybe I still need the anonymity of writing to mostly people I do not know and those who do not know me. Strangely I find that thought somewhat comforting this morning. Anonymity... mostly it gets a bad rap but I rather like it: this morning even more so than usual.

I thought of Dickinson's short poem about being a nobody when I realized I was comforted tonight by writing to an anonymous group of other nobodies. So, just in case you feel you are a somebody and if you have gotten this far then please stop reading this blog!!! For this early morning these words and this blog should only be read by a nobody like me... writing to other nobodies: hopefully you?

I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you -- Nobody -- too?
Then there's a pair of us!
Don't tell! they'd advertise -- you know!

How dreary -- to be -- Somebody!
How public -- like a Frog --
To tell one's name -- the livelong June -- 
To an admiring Bog!

In the last few days I received two emails from people who had read something I had written about in two of my latest blogs. Both made several astute comments about what I had written and each also asked several questions.

One person, I guess(?) we had corresponded before and the other letter writer I know well. If either one of you are up and reading this I'm not asking you to write again? At least not now... not this morning, and not in lieu of my plea I'm putting out now. Besides, neither one of you would actually qualify for who I'm looking for this morning. 

The first letter writer I suspect is actually a somebody and I could tell by the neat way she writes. And the other one I KNOW is a somebody and I hope you and your daughter are both sweetly sleeping at this early hour :)

Ok, now for the rest of you nobodies who are out there and can't sleep either... write to me or call me and we can talk. My first book I had published (because it was completely out of my character in real life) I used a pseudonym when I wrote. I used a name I had set up my email service with years before: Clark Matthews. 

So, if you are a nobody and you want to write I can be reached at clarkmatthews1@aol.com. My name is Robin... and yep: I'm a guy with a name that is more commonly given for girls. If you would rather call than write I can be reached at 812-406-7708. 

I mostly don't sleep and I usually have my phone nearby... so, call or write anytime: BUT only if you are only a nobody too! This morning, I'm pretty sure I couldn't deal well with any person who believes themselves to be a  somebody.

Well, I stopped writing long enough to turn my hourglass over again so I can have a visual aid to help me watch my life passing. My glass sits atop my wine cooler. Hmmmmm, wine cooler: now there's an idea! I think I will drink a bit and wait to hear from someone. Seriously, if you are out there... call me!

To any who might read this and can actually fall asleep then I wish you well and I so wish I could do that also.

Night :)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

A FEW THINGS ONLY


Tuesday March 25, 2014 2:09 am

FIRST: Because of my most recent blogs I received a second email, and since early last evening we have been writing back-and-forth. After we said our good-nights I wrote my answer to her most pressing questions: she had several. Verses, which at one time came so easily and readily to my mind now had to be looked up. Yet, because I felt it was important I didn't mind. Anyway, I finished just a few minutes ago, and because I'm still not sleepy and I have to be up in a bit anyway... I figured I would go ahead and write this blog now rather than waiting until later.

I hadn't talked to her in quite some time... in fact, she reminded me that since we last spoke it has been about six months!!! I started to argue that it couldn't possibly have been that long??? But, she is one of the few people I personally know whose memory really is better than mine... so I just shut up and agreed with her :)

Evidently these last two blogs I wrote struck a chord with certain people: yet, I was meaning them only for myself! Because of things like this I think I've learned to hate particular dreams, and some dates :(

SECONDLY: I suppose that (especially) because of this last email I have decided to take a little break from writing... just not sure how long? It could be awhile but I really don't know? I am planning to return sometime: however, because it could be awhile I do want to mark a date now just in case I'm not back on by then... and that is April 9. On that date it will be one year since I lost Virgil... my dear and beloved friend!!!!!!! It has been often said that a dog is man's best friend :) My friend Virgil, was just the greatest boy ever! I had two best friend's and one of them happened to be my dog... Virgil. Now, I have just one best friend left to me :(

In my heart I felt like it would be dishonoring him if I didn't write something about it. So, if I'm not yet writing again at that time I want to say now, “I miss you... and still I love you very much, Virgil!”

Thirdly: Yesterday as I was finishing that blog I spoke about hoping the next time I wrote that perhaps I could speak of something as innocuous and innocent as the weather? So, I guess I'll do that now. It is presently 43 degrees outside with a small southwest wind blowing. It is only cloudy now; yet, we are expecting a small dusting of snow over the course of the next few hours.

Monday, March 24, 2014

A NICE LETTER


Monday March 24, 2014 8:29 am

I learned a lesson last night after I got home. It was a simple lesson. It is just this: I need to be more careful in the future when I'm cleaning out my SPAM folder. I always do it at the end of every day and normally I just glance at the titles before clearing everything out. Had it been a typical day where there is a page full of them I would have probably deleted without really looking at all. However, I guess because it was a Sunday and there were only six I read more carefully and one of them caught my eye and I opened it... I'm glad I did.

The lady who wrote said that she had read my blogs for a very long time and this was the second time she had written to me because of something I blogged. She described her first letter to me and even though I have a decent memory all I drew was a blank... sorry about that. I will say to her though through this blog that if your first letter was anything like yesterdays then I could tell you put a lot of thought into it, and I appreciate that.

Even though I closed last night and I needed to be up early this morning I stayed awake and read every Scripture verse she included in her nice letter... now, I'm going to answer what she wrote and do it through this blog. This way just in case there are any others out there who feel the same way she did after reading what I last wrote this might help them to understand something as well.

Her letter was full of Bible verses on forgiveness, and in essence she thought I was too hard on myself: point taken. However......................... now comes my answer :)

First, I also believe that God forgives... I do! But, His forgiveness IS ALWAYS CONDITIONAL: and His forgiveness IS NEVER RESTORATIVE! Let me explain.

Once certain conditions are met and God truly forgives sin then it is true (as the letter writer nicely stated) our sins are never to be remembered. And she included one of my favorite verses: Psalm 103:12: “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgression from us.” True, in His mind once our sins are truly forgiven they are not any more remembered by Him. However, that does NOT restore us to a position in this life where there are no consequences still to pay because of our actions!

Let me make up a story to help explain. Let's say there is a man who does not take care of his body, his temple. He treats it as an unclean thing and abuses it with overeating, smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol to drunkenness. One day he goes to a doctor and the doctor says, “Your heart is failing from being fat, your lungs have cancer from smoking, and you have cirrhosis of the liver from being a drunkard... you have maybe 30 days to live?”

Now, let's say this man decides to actually seek forgiveness from God and decides to meet God's conditions for forgiveness. Remember, His forgiveness is always conditional. We can't just ask for forgiveness and expect Him to forgive without doing it the way He tells us in the Bible that we must.

First, He never forgives without repentance! I think any person who reads their Bible at all knows this is true, right? It's true of our initial salvation and it's true of every sin we ask forgiveness for after being saved... repentance is always a must! I would imagine most believers already know this but the problem with many people... including my kind letter writer of last evening (please don't get upset with me for saying this) does not understand what the Bible means when it speaks of “repentance.”

Repentance IS NOT being sorry for sin! Let me repeat that, repentance IS NOT being sorry for sin! If repentance is being sorry for anything... and especially sin then you serve a God who by His own words is a sinner! Do you believe that He is? Of course not! Yet, numerous verses throughout the entire Bible records that God often “repents!”

The reason, repentance for God and us mere mortals always means a “change of direction.” That's all, simply a change of direction. Just one example... but there are dozens like this in the Bible when God “repented.” Hezekiah was going to die and the Lord sent His prophet to inform him to put his house in order and prepare for his death. Hezekiah cried and begged for more life... God heard his cries and REPENTED (changed His direction) and granted Hezekiah more life.

So, if our overeating, cigarette smoking, drunkard wants forgiveness he must repent, right? OK, now read carefully what causes true repentance before God... it's rather simple really. Carefully read II Corinthians verses 10 and 11. Ready, “... godly sorrow worketh repentance...” You can never just be “sorry” for what you have done because it makes you feel bad? Or, “sorry” because you are sick or caught? Or even “sorry” for hurting other people. The only “sorrow” that God recognizes is “godly sorrow.” In other words, are you sorry for having offended God? Is your shame of your sin for having wronged Him?

You see if you have often asked God to forgive you for some sin and then as the dog returns to its own vomit you keep returning to your same sin, it is because you have never experienced godly sorrow. You've only been sorry or ashamed for yourself and that type of shame allows you to keep sinning the very same sin over and over and over!

Now, here is the most terrible part! Because you keep returning to that same sin you have never repented... not scripturally, because that would mean that you have changed direction! And when God sees you on your knees asking His forgiveness: then He looks into your future and still sees the same dog returning to its own vomit, then He knows you are lying, and unrepentant, and no forgiveness is ever granted! Believe me... I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE!!!

Think about this: that is the story of the woman taken in the very act of adultery and brought before Jesus (John chapter 8) to see what He would do with her? He forgave her right? I mean, did He not say, “...Neither do I condemn thee...” So, the short answer and what most believers do is they want to stop there and imagine He always forgives without conditions... and that is simply a lie!

The woman caught in the act of adultery, as all people are... is ONLY FORGIVEN when conditions are met! Her forgiveness was given only if she met what He next said: “... go, and sin no more.” Now, let me ask you a question, “As God, don't you believe Christ knew what He asked of her was impossible... sin NO MORE!” Yes, because we are sinners, that is impossible!

So, Jesus was not telling her to never sin again or there was no forgiveness... BUT, He was telling her to NEVER AGAIN COMMIT ADULTERY, as that was the ONLY sin He was presently forgiving! He was simply saying not to return to that sin that she was brought to Him for: then she would have His forgiveness. Remember, without repentance or that change of direction there is no forgiveness!

However, when you experience “godly sorrow” then you will repent and change direction! So, when He sees you confess and are shamed by your sins because of what they Have DONE TO HIM (godly sorrow)... now, He looks into your future and sees you have truly repented (never going back to that oft repeated sin) and He does forgive! BUT... you knew one of those was coming, right? He still DOES NOT RESTORE... there are still consequences to pay in this life. Let me illustrate with our overeater.

This man looks at his fat belly, his abuse of cigarettes and alcohol and suddenly he feels great shame for what he has done to the temple (body) God gave him. For the first time he experiences “godly sorrow” and he is ashamed for how he has sinned against God! Now this real sorrow causes him to experience true repentance and he and God both know that never again will he overeat, smoke, or drink alcohol to excess. So, God forgives... true and lasting: east from west type forgiveness never again to be remembered! Great, right? It is... YET, the man will still die in 30 days from overeating, cigarette smoking, and drunkenness. There are still consequences in this life too pay!!! That's what I mean by even being given true east from west type forgiveness from God because of godly sorrow repenting... many things in this life sadly do not change :(

So, even if I experience godly sorrow for having lain with all those women and repent, and receive His forgiveness... the consequences remain! And the consequence is that I am still causing their husbands to live in a constant state of adultery with their own wives!!! We must never forget the laws of sowing and reaping. You will always reap far more than you sow! (I mean, this early summer when you set out your garden and you cast the first few small seeds into the ground: remember this blog and this lesson... you will get far more out of the ground then you put into the ground. The same is true of sin!)

I have a former pastor who often used a great saying: “Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and make you pay more than you want to pay!”

Think about it... what is the greatest sin in your life? Do you remember when it first started? Of course it started in your heart and mind long before you acted on it, but do you remember that very first sinful act from your worst sin! (You know, the thought that quickly entered your mind when I just asked, “what is the greatest sin in your life?”) Didn't this sin happen because you did not heed Proverbs 1:10: “My son (daughter) if sinners entice thee consent thou not.”

So, yes... to my letter writer: I believe God forgives: BUT, only if it is through godly sorrow for sin that brings about a true change of direction. Otherwise we are just that damnable mutt who forever keeps licking up his own bile. AND, forgiveness yes... but restoration... NEVER! Because the law of sowing and reaping still remains in effect.

Finally, With few exceptions I have some idea of what I'm going to write about before I set down to type. I knew on Saturday what I was wanting to type for Yesterday's blog, and because of my email yesterday I had some idea of what I was going to write this morning. But, I have no idea what my next one might be on? I am writing this part though to say that I hope it isn't more of this??? They say that confession is good for the soul? Maybe, but all it does for me is to remind me of the life I've lived and the many I have hurt along the way. So, maybe the next time I write it will just be about the weather or something like that. I'm tired of remembering and reminding myself of how I've lived.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

40


Sunday March 23, 2014 12:01 am

A well-worn and overused idiom states, “time flies when you're having fun.” However, I'm living proof that time flies whether or not you're having fun: and with this blog I will prove that.

It's confession time for me and I will now confess certain of my sins. I do it because I should... I guess? But I will do it as I have done when I tried writing a book about myself. That is I will confess only my own sins... I would never try and confess for another person. I think all of us will either come to that or we won't? Now, when you read about this please remember... I never said I was any good.

Also I'm only going to be writing about one particular type of sin... and that is because of today's date and what that date has to do with my life.

40 year ago today we were 'legally married,' that is according to the sovereign state of California. Although, Biblically speaking we were “married” the summer before and not long after we met and by then... I had had many wives, and there were several of them I never even learned their names. And this fact about having wives is true even though I never walked down an aisle or sought the state's permission to marry. (That is a pretty sobering thought really, that is if you carry it out to its logical conclusion... and if you are a Bible believer? Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:9, Luke 16:18, Romans 7:3... and probably 2 dozen more passages which all teach the “... two shall become one flesh...” principle and doctrine.)

I wonder how many men out there, if they only knew I had “known” their wives before them that I would be a curse word on their lips every day that they live!!! And simply because their “wives” and I had known each other before! And now, because of that... EVERY SINGLE TIME time they innocently lay down with the woman they believe is theirs, they are committing adultery... even if they are unaware!

That is of course if God recognizes marriage today the same way He recognized EVERY SINGLE “marriage” recorded in the Bible. Here is just one example, but every SINGLE TIME you read of a marriage they are married the same way. In the dark, in a tent or someplace like that. “And Isaac Brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, (“took Rebekah” means they had sexual intercourse) and she became his wife...” (Genesis 24:67) Notice, no marriage before entering the tent but clearly married while in the tent: and that without ceremony, or any type of formal wedding party.

Sadly not only does the physical act of sexual congress between two people create a marriage, it also Biblically ends one as well. That is if either spouse commits adultery (lays down with another) after having joined themselves to someone beforehand. Paul is admonishing the saved when he uses the one flesh doctrine. I Corinthians 6:16: “What? Know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? For two, saith he, (God) shall be one flesh.” (United in marriage.)

So, adultery (Biblically) ends a marriage and that is the only cause (fornication/adultery) which allows for a “writing of divorcement.” And if anyone doubts that see what God said was the reason He “divorced” Israel. Jeremiah 3:8: “And I saw, when for all the causes wherein backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away and had given her a bill of divorce...” Notice why God divorced Israel... for the same sins as her “sister” Juda! “... yet the treacherous Judah was not afraid, but went and played the harlot also herself.” In this example you will read further that they “committed adultery” by giving their selves to other “gods.” We, (humans) commit adultery by giving (joining) our bodies to others instead of only to our spouses. 

Perhaps the greatest example is the woman with “five husbands” that the Lord rebukes. Be sure and notice that she wasn't attempting to lie to Jesus, it is just that she did not understand what constituted “marriage” in His eyes. Jesus was teaching on the subject of “living water” and a woman heard Him and asked for this water... now read carefully what follows. John 4:15-18: “The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither.”

At this point she does not know He is God... she only called him, “Sir.” So, she is not trying to lie and rather innocently she states that she has no husband, listen to her words. (verse 17) “The woman answered and said, “...I have no husband...” She only knows there has never been a wedding party and she has never been given away and had no marriage feast. She ignorantly believes that is what makes a marriage?

But listen to the words of Christ... He sort of agrees with her about not having “A” (meaning only one husband) as He states: “ ...Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband...” Now, read very carefully His conclusion. Verse 18: “For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.” Be sure and see that Jesus did not say she only had sex with just five men... HE CALLED ALL OF THEM, “HER HUSBANDS!”

He also was not meaning she simply had sex with five men who were already married. Because He was clear to point out that ONLY the last... or her sixth husband... was not her own!!!!! (This man was presently married to another.)

This woman had had sexual intercourse (two shall become one flesh) with five different men thereby making her “married” to five men, and the “husband” she now was having sex with was already married to another. So, in the eyes of God she now had six husbands and all without a wedding party, guests, papers or anything other then having joined her body in intercourse with six different men.

I write this for two reasons. First to point out that this “two becoming one flesh marriage doctrine” applies to everyone... saved or not. This woman at the well was NOT a believer during the time she had her five husbands... yet, all were recognized by God as having been her husband and “married” to her. So, this is true of lost and saved alike as to what constitutes a Biblical marriage.

Secondly, I also write this because I guess I need to admit that I have had many “wives” in my lifetime and because of that I have caused many men who might otherwise even have been “Godly” men... to commit adultery. And they could be completely unaware that I knew their wives either before, or several girls... even after them! Even the five husbands of the woman at the well were all living in a state of adultery because of her, even if they did not know each other.

As for me though in my own day and bringing this all to the present... every time these men hold their wives and have a physical relationship (because of my past with their present wives) they are committing adultery! And they have no idea whatsoever!!! They are guilty of the sin of adultery because they are having sex with a woman who has been with another already!

The only way this is not true is if the Bible is not true!!! Because if you begin with Adam and Eve and EVERY man and woman who followed after them in the Bible and read how they were “married” in the eyes of God, you will see there was never a paper from a state, and many never even had guests or a party... it was just sexual congress and God recorded that was what caused “two to become one flesh.” Now married in His eyes and that is why the Bible says, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” God joins two people together through them having sexual intercourse, and men and women put that asunder by committing adultery with another person beside their spouse.

In Deuteronomy chapter 22 you will see that it was of great importance that a girl be a virgin before she was given to a man. Read 22:13-22 and you will see that the family of the virgin actually kept the sheet she lay on the first time she had intercourse with the man to prove that she bled and had been a virgin and was never “married” before. This was called, “... The tokens of the damsel's virginity.”

Anyway, my admission is simple. I admit I have many, many, many times committed adultery from my youth and upward and have caused many men to live in a constant state of adultery along with their wives... even if the men are completely ignorant of this truth! Their wives, however, know. At least they know they have been with me.

My admission does no good really. I wouldn't even know the people to go back and attempt to apologize. Besides, that would do no good whatsoever. It is never possible to undo what has been done! But I would encourage you if you read this and have children to teach them the importance of remaining chaste before they meet and fall in love with just that “ONE” person. Otherwise, when that person does come along who they would give anything in life to be with... they now would force that person, if they chose to have a preacher call them married, to live in a state of continual sin just by being with them... that is because they had previously joined their body to another.

Finally just to further prove that it has always been sexual intercourse that makes a marriage and also breaks a marriage read “Marriage Laws” from the United States, and carefully read our Annulment Laws.

According to American law there are a few reasons given that an annulment can take place. Keep in mind that an annulment is far different from a divorce... an annulment, simply stated is that a marriage never even took place! Now our country recognizes several possible reasons whereas God just sees one, and of course that is intercourse. But under annulment in our own laws it states, “... physical incapacity to consummate the marriage...” Notice, even after the state grants its permission, gives a license, a service has taken place, guests attend, and someone officially declares them husband and wife!!! Yet, if intercourse does not follow this “marriage,” then this marriage is considered never to have happened! (This couple could have exchanged a thousand, “I love you(s)” kissed, touched and done many other acts which would intimate love for each other... but without intercourse there is no marriage!)

Again, sexual intercourse both in the eyes of God and the laws of America agree on this point that it is what creates a marriage... and adultery, (fornication) both in the eyes of God and in American law is also what breaks a marriage and calls for a bill of divorcement to be given!

So, today I continually live the life of a fallen man and by my actions and the consent of the women they now call “their wives” I force these (unnamed, unknown to me, and faceless) men to live in a constant state of adultery: as every time they lay down with their wives they are adulterers once again! And they are completely ignorant that this is happening to them and I am the cause! For that, I am truly sorry!!!

I've known all day today I was going to write something like this for Sunday and my 40th state sanctioned anniversary date and I figured I wouldn't sleep all that well? So now it is 11:33 pm and I'm just waiting until midnight as Saturday officially rolls into Sunday and I will post this.

Friday, March 21, 2014

MINE WOULD BE YOU


Friday March 21, 2014 10:29 pm

There are times I hear songs or read poems and I think, “I wish I had thought of that.” This song is one of those. Certain words and phrases (were I writing them) I could not have found any words better to express myself than what this song says. There are a few examples in this song but the next to last stanza is one that is sad, yet... perfect :(

"Mine Would Be You"
What's your all time high, your good as it gets?
Your hands down best ever make-up sex?
What's your guilty pleasure, your old go to?
Well if you asked me, mine would be you

What's your worst hangover, your best night yet?
Your 90 proof, your Marlboro Red?
The best damn thing you lucked into
That's easy girl, mine would be you

Mine would be you
Sun keeps shining, back road flying
Singing like crazy fools
Making up our own words
Laughing 'til it hurts
Baby, if I had to choose
My best day ever
My finest hour, my wildest dream come true
Mine would be you

What's your double dare, your go all in?
The craziest thing you ever did?
Plain as your name in this tattoo
Look on my arm, mine would be you

Mine would be you
Sun keeps shining, back road flying
Singing like crazy fools
Making up our own words
Laughing 'til it hurts
Baby, if I had to choose
My best day ever
My finest hour, my wildest dream come true
Mine would be you

What's the greatest chapter in your book?
Are there pages where it hurts to look?
What's the one regret you can't work through?
You got it baby, mine would be you
Yeah you got it baby, mine would be you

Mine would be you
Taillights fading
Daylight breaking
Standing there like a fool
When I should've been running
Yellin' out something
To make you wanna hold on to
The best love ever
Girl, can you tell me
The one thing you'd rather die than lose?
Cause mine would be you
Mine would be you, you

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY!!!


Wednesday March 19, 2014 1:02 pm

It's raining outside, still cool... and just one day from springtime. “Mother Nature” is less predictable than ever and acting ever more like Sybil. I would like to see a few days in a row where I can get out and begin enjoying the things I most like. Normally I like rain, but even for me enough is enough. For today I'm going to imagine I'm like the Sakkaros family and rain is anathema to me. Even though in real life I'm quite the opposite of sugar :)

On another note as of this morning I have 40 days and 40 nights to reach what should be the easiest goal I have set for myself, and that is to simply be at a designated weight I think would be best for me at my age. Continuing with the thought of rain... if God can completely destroy the Earth in that time-span surely that ought to be an ample length of days for me to attain this one rather simple weight loss goal!

Seriously, if a person can not control what we eat... what hope is there then of ever accomplishing anything of any real importance in our lives? (I am simply writing these thoughts today as a means of chiding myself as I must read them before posting and to remind myself how very easy this ought to be!)

I'm off to work in a few minutes as both today and tomorrow I work my most hated shift... that of closing. However, if there is a bright spot (though small) it is that I am off Friday and apart from one appointment my day should be my own. Although it never seems as if that is the case for me, but we shall see?

I hope all who reads this blog today has a really nice day.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

A NICE SNOWY DAY :)


Sunday March 16, 2014 7:49 pm

Well, as of tomorrow I have EXACTLY six weeks left to reach my goal weight... and this time for me it is do or die! (Lol) I will start my 42 day countdown beginning in the morning :)

I found a miracle weight loss aid that really works but it is very, very, expensive! I think each bottle will last about two weeks and the cost is... ready for this? It is about .99 cents!!! LOL

I know, crazy, huh? It is simply apple cider vinegar but it really is helping. I have been stuck where I'm at for a long time and now I see it working again as I'm starting to drop weight. Now I don't do it exactly as I read... so maybe that's the difference? The sites I had gone to suggested 1 to 2 tablespoons daily. However, I have a friend who believes that if a little of something is good... well, then more just has to be better! So, I have been following her advice. I take 3 tablespoons with whatever I eat the first time I eat each day... and 3 more tablespoons with whatever I eat last in the day.

One more bit of news. I had called and canceled my tattoo for the first day of fall which would have been next Friday. Something had come up and I was unsure at that time whether or not I wanted to go through with it? Then, my situation changed again a little more than a week ago and I knew for sure I wanted it. However, when I called him back he had already filled that date.

Anyway, I confirmed a little while ago that I have a new date for my anchor tattoo... April 27th!!! Yayyyyy!!!!!!! So, hopefully I will have reached my goal weight on that day and will have a new tattoo on my right (inner) forearm... life is good! See, I'm a fairly simple man, it doesn't really take a lot to make me happy.

In many ways I have everything in life I want to be happy... except just one thing!!! But, dear God: it is a big thing :(

One last thing... it's snowing outside and beginning to fall heavily. I am so ready for springtime! I just checked my weather app and it's 30 degrees and snowing here, and it's also 30 degrees and snowing in my favorite place in all the world :) I hope all who reads this has a great night!

Friday, March 14, 2014

VIRGIL... MY DEAR FRIEND'S 13TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Friday March 14, 2014 9:08 am

Had my lovely young “son” lived he would be 13 years old today. I miss him terribly! Once, many years ago I thought God was supposed to give me a son, and even though I might have misunderstood something I dreamed... in a sense and many years later He still gave me my little boy.

Even though I loved Virgil and always tried so hard to be good to him, he still gave to me more than I could ever have given him. He was just a GREAT little guy and days when I allow myself to dwell on and just think of him it still tears my heart out.

Although God answers to no one and I have so many sins to give account of to Him it probably doesn't seem right to admit? However, if it's in my heart and He knows my thoughts then it's not like it's hidden from Him anyway. But I will always feel like it was Him who made a breach in our relationship: for two reasons... and one of them has to do with Virgil.

I have always known it is the right of God to give life... or to take it. Yet, even knowing this I was desperately heartbroken as I watched Virgil become more and more sick, and all those months as I watched him being sick I constantly prayed for his healing. Yet, when I could tell he was in great pain and it no longer looked like he would get well I used to kiss him on his head goodnight, and then I would pull him close to me as he slept and I would ask God to “please” just mercifully take him in his sleep. But, He never did it even though Virgil was in a lot of pain :( :( :(

Finally when I could no longer stand seeing him hurting I was the one who had to take him and hold him tightly against me while the vet ended his life! At least for awhile I think I hated God for not doing His job and making me raise my own hand against one of the two friends in my life I count the dearest.

I guess I'm going to stop writing now because it just makes me angry at God all over again for making me do what should have only been done by Him.

Anyway, I miss my little boy who was just the most wonderful, faithful, loving creature God ever gave the breath of life! I miss you Virgil!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 09, 2014

CATCHING UP


Sunday March 9, 2014 10:54 pm

It's true, no one knows what a day will bring. I used to very much enjoy weekends off: I looked forward to them a great deal. But, not so much lately and I just had two days off and yesterday began and I figured it was just SSDD and my life was not heading in a good direction. BUT, sometimes change comes quickly... is completely unexpected, but very welcome :)

Tomorrow I'm back to the grind... work: ugh! However, even that doesn't seem (at least for now) like quite the drag it usually is. Also I'm not typically a great shopper, and by that I simply mean I'm an impatient shopper. Today was a little different and I had fun looking for some things.

I wanted to quickly tell everyone of a new type diet I'm trying to see if it can speed things up for me in reaching my goals. I just started this last week and so far the results are good and in a few weeks (the end of April) I'll tell you how everything worked. But, three days of each week I am juicing with extremely small caloric intake for the day. Last week I only had two of these days because I started on a Wednesday. But to give an example, last Wednesday I had 240 calories for the entire day and Thursday I had just 270 calories for the entire day.

Anyway since tomorrow will be the start of a full week I will lay out my plans. The first three days will be juice only with very small calorie content. Then, the next two days I won't be counting calories as much but it will be 100% vegan and solid food will be allowed. Then for the weekend I will be eating whatever I want (within reason) and it will be strictly vegetarian but not strictly vegan. Then, I would start over again on the next Monday.

So, I have about 8 weeks to reach my goal weight and I will keep everyone apprised of how this is going. Good luck to any and all who reads this if you too are trying to accomplish any goals in your life as well. I used to believe that diet should be the easiest of all things to accomplish because after all we are in control and choose what we eat? But, it really isn't that simple... or even if it is that simple it still isn't that easy.

I hope all who reads this has a good night and a great day tomorrow. In the morning on my way to work I have one errand to attend and then I have a busy day slated for tomorrow on the job... night everyone :)

Thursday, March 06, 2014

HONESTLY: I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND... NOW, I THINK I DO!!!


Thursday March 6, 2014 7:04 pm

I was driving home tonight from work and talking to God. I really no longer ought to call it prayer as that isn't even remotely close? I think it is more like arguing? But in the end usually all that I hear when I ask “Why” is my own stupid voice resonating within the car.

Today it started because I am going to a funeral tomorrow of a really good kid. I usually hate death... except for one person I know and I long for his demise! I wanted to say that upfront so any who might read this will know I'm not a good person, and neither am I pretending otherwise. But, it's just that some men's deeds are so bad they have forfeited their right to continue breathing the same good air which decent men breathe.

If I'm alive and I ever hear the news that this bastard is dead, for only the second time in my life I will do my little “happy dance” before God! And I will praise Him that finally this man can no longer hurt innocent people. I swear if at that time I hear that wonderful news and I happen to be on my own deathbed, I will stand upon my two bare feet (hospital gown and all) and dance and play before God with all of my strength!

Kerry, was the young man from work who died suddenly in a car crash on Monday and I said to God on my way home, “Why, why couldn't it have been that old S.O.B. instead?” Why couldn't he have died in a fiery crash ten years ago and the world could have been done with him forever! And maybe... just maybe??? For the first time in quite some time I might have gotten my answer from God?

I Kings 19:11-12: “And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.”

Today in the car, I didn't hear a “still small voice,” instead I heard my mom's voice telling a story I hadn't thought of a single time in more than 50 years! My mom did some bookkeeping for a crotchety old man who owned a store in St. Mary's, West Virginia. In all the time I used to be there with her and hear people talk I never heard (not one time) any person say a good thing about this man. He seemed to be pretty much despised by everyone.

My mom had gone there to get her last pay because she was quitting and we were going to a funeral after that. I was six or seven and the man who died seemed old to me but he was actually somewhat young... maybe only in his forties? I'm not sure but I'm saying that because I remember Mom saying he was about Dad's age (and looking back now) that's how old Dad would have been at that time. As mom was getting her check she finally told the old guy what she thought of him. 

I remember she told him that he was a thief and a sinner and he cheated people in his store all the time. He shot back and said, “Lady, I can't sin... Jesus died for my sins.” Mom told him that he would get his in due time and we walked out of the store. In the car she told me that it was evil men like him who hid behind God but they were really the worst type of men.

Anyway, we left there and had gone to the funeral home and someone said to Mom how could something like this happen to the guy who had died and the old man in town everyone disliked seemed like he would live for ever? In my car today and in my mind as clear as a bell I could hear my mom say, “God doesn't want him, and the devil already has too many just like him!” I thought, “Wow!” A person can do certain bad things that might cause God to not want them and the devil already had hell full of people just like them! So, maybe I had my answer after all from a story I heard once, and that 50 years ago. For I know a person who fits that perfectly: old, and a degenerate sinner who needs to die... and yet lives on!

Then there is poor Kerry, a young black man who was universally liked. He was a college graduate and said recently he was going back to school at Kentucky to do undergraduate work. He was decent, moral and just an upright young man who any person would have been proud had he been their son! So, as I was arguing (praying, take your pick) with God and wanting an answer to my simple question? Why does a young, good, boy die and there are men like the one I know still living and one who by his actions is evil! Then, in my mom's voice I really think I had my answer from God.

So, I still was not given an answer as to “Why did Kerry die?” But I think I now know why the other old man still lives? God doesn't want him... and hell is nearly full of old men exactly like him!

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

APPARENTLY... SOME MUST THINK IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!


Tuesday March 4, 2014 2:01 pm

In less than two hours we all have a meeting at Tammy's house about an upcoming adoption... hopefully in the very near future :) Then after I get everyone back home I'm going to the gym for a bit. I've been stymied at a certain plateau for awhile now and regardless what I try I haven't seen a lot of movement. So, I read an article early this morning (on-line) about trying some small changes in a routine and possibly seeing big results because of it? Anyway, I'm up to trying anything at this point.

A few minutes ago I was going through my phone and deleting some old pictures and I saw this one I snapped a couple of days ago at Meijer's, and I thought I would upload it to show everyone. It's funny but in this part of the country just a few inches of snow on the ground sends everyone scrambling to the store for bread and milk! I would like to remind everyone: it's not yet the end of the world and there really will be more trucks arriving carrying fresh supplies and it isn't necessary to buy two weeks supply of bread at one time, People are nuts! LOL 





One last thing. This is a "fun" fact I read a few minutes ago and I thought I would pass it on. Did you know the actress Betty White REALLY IS OLDER than sliced bread... seriously: by six years! 

I lied... another "last thing." I watched Nebraska last night... depressing and boring all the way through. In more than one scene there were rooms full of old people who looked like death warmed over. I turned to Deb and said, "I swear to God I NEVER want to live to be old enough to look like a single one of them!" It was horrible... ghastly!!! She thought I was joking... but I assured her that I was (and am) completely serious!

EUREKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday March 4. 2014 7:40 am

I SWEAR... I had a breakthrough early this morning after another long, AND VERY COLD walk long before the sunrise. It all came to me so suddenly that I literally stopped walking and I think even forgot to breathe for several seconds!

I started back home as fast as I could and all morning I've been trying to find addresses and a way to contact certain people. Reagan is dead so he's out of the question (lol) but thankfully Mutt Lange is still around and I wrote to him already... just haven't heard anything back yet.

This all started 24 years ago for me and I have been completely without answers and I felt like I had to be the crazy one and others I talked to were the people with great insight and they were the only ones who would be able to help me? I now know better, for the first time I actually know better.

It started more than two decades ago and it was brought to a head in my mind last evening as I had a good evening but one that wasn't really good? I know... hard to understand, right? Lol

Anyway I now know it's like I've have been trying to explain sight... to someone born blind. And this now EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!! For the first time I now understand why people are faithless. I now know why in marriage people lie and cheat. I was always torn up inside and could not come to terms with this... now, it ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE!

I will write about this in more detail someday... but for now I still need to await a response from my early morning queries before I am able to more fully explain.

I hope all who reads this has a good day. Me, not so much... I'm off to the doctors as I have one more place that needs burnt off... OUCH, it stings! hahahaha

Monday, March 03, 2014

SNOW, ICE, AND OTHER THINGS


Monday March 3, 2014 2:29 pm

Well, my vacation time off for the end of this month and the beginning of next month has been approved: so, if everything else goes according to plan I will be heading to Hilton Head with two of my small grandchildren in a few weeks :)

I just got home from running a few errands and I had a good workout at Planet Fitness... with one more planned later on today: and then it's a shower, change of clothes and a planned evening out with some friends for awhile. Not sure exactly where we will end up... but we are starting at Riverside Cigar Shop & Lounge. (I just verified by phone that in spite of the ice and snow that they are keeping regular hours, and they are.)

I am wanting to get back to sometimes posting videos but for some odd reason with my new phone as it is “compressing” my videos in order to “save” they will work fine to forward: however, as I upload them to my blog they are failing to work properly. I'm hoping to get that corrected within the next few weeks so once my tattoo is nearly complete I will record a short video of the finishing touches being applied and upload that. If I can't get that fixed I will at least upload a still picture or two?

This morning when I first had gone out for a walk it was still yet dark. (I haven't been sleeping and the early morning walks help me to think about things.) It was beautiful when I first stepped out! I very much like snowfall when it's still pristine and unspoiled by traffic or footprints.

Of course, after a bit I looked behind me and saw where my steps had already spoiled it for the next person who might have wanted to also see it in perfect condition. But that's life, right? I mean, what we do ourselves for personal enjoyment almost always spoils something for another, right? I think I see that as a metaphor for life... things are beautiful until we do something that ruins everything!

But that's just life, so I thought... *&%$.. %*!!! Whoever that person is who follows me and doesn't like the things that I do is just going to have to get over it the same way I have: suck it up and move on!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Anyway, that's my heartfelt advice for the day: whatever happens to you that you hate just suck it up and move on!!!!!!!

Saturday, March 01, 2014

THIS & THAT


Saturday March 1, 2014 10:46 pm

I just got home from Missy and Brian's and I had a drink and smoked a cigar... as always it was fun. The cigar Brian smoked was a 60 ring cigar... mine was much more modest in size. His would simply take far too long for me to smoke :)




I also got my appointment confirmed with Darin for my next tattoo: it is Friday March 21st. This time I hope it doesn't fall through. I like doing things like this on days I deem important and unless I'm willing to wait more than a month for another one this is it for awhile.

My first tattoo was a “rose” and I got that on September 22, 2012 which was the first full day of fall that year. My second tattoo was of my dear friend Virgil and I got that on November 12, 2013. And this tattoo of my anchor I have scheduled for the first full day of spring this year.

I am off Monday and Tuesday and I have a few workout sessions planned both days (with a friend) as I'm trying to push toward a goal I set for myself with the earnest hope that I will accomplish it this time: then Monday night I am going to a new (for me) cigar bar with some different people from work. I'm now on the hunt for something different to try Tuesday night but so far I haven't decided what that is going to be?

It's possible I am driving to Hilton Head for a couple of days in early April but I have to make sure I can get off work first. I'm putting in for it in the morning. Can anyone else believe that we are already at the start of a new month. In 30 days ¼ of this new year will already be over! Yep, life is scary fast and over so very quickly! So, I finally decided if there are things I still want to see or do I'm no longer waiting. Robert Frost wrote, Acquainted with the Night:

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
A luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

I have long time known that poem in my life, and I don't mean know it in the sense of being able to recite it... that I can still do. I mean I have lived it. But, no more, I guess I've had enough and it's time: past time really to try something new or different. And if there really is nothing new or different to at least re-acquaint myself with things I long ago enjoyed. And perhaps see if they will seem new and as fun for me as they did the first time I learned them.

All day today I've been thinking that I feel like Irving's character Rip Van Winkle. I even have “Dame” to garner support for my hypothesis :) Except my sleep was somewhat different than his because mine was self-imposed: but Rip was tricked into his slumber. (Also mine has been longer than his by several years... but no more!) I now choose to come awake. For good or bad until the day I begin that long sleep... you know, the holding your breath forever kind :) I have finally decided to change certain long held ideas of myself and strike out in a different direction. From time to time as things change in my life I will probably add a few comments about it along the way. For now though and for this blog I will say no more about it, and the next time I write it will hopefully be on a different subject altogether.

Any and all who might read this I hope you have a good night.