The Treasure Hunt

Friday March 14, 2014 9:08 am

Had my lovely young “son” lived he would be 13 years old today. I miss him terribly! Once, many years ago I thought God was supposed to give me a son, and even though I might have misunderstood something I dreamed... in a sense and many years later He still gave me my little boy.

Even though I loved Virgil and always tried so hard to be good to him, he still gave to me more than I could ever have given him. He was just a GREAT little guy and days when I allow myself to dwell on and just think of him it still tears my heart out.

Although God answers to no one and I have so many sins to give account of to Him it probably doesn't seem right to admit? However, if it's in my heart and He knows my thoughts then it's not like it's hidden from Him anyway. But I will always feel like it was Him who made a breach in our relationship: for two reasons... and one of them has to do with Virgil.

I have always known it is the right of God to give life... or to take it. Yet, even knowing this I was desperately heartbroken as I watched Virgil become more and more sick, and all those months as I watched him being sick I constantly prayed for his healing. Yet, when I could tell he was in great pain and it no longer looked like he would get well I used to kiss him on his head goodnight, and then I would pull him close to me as he slept and I would ask God to “please” just mercifully take him in his sleep. But, He never did it even though Virgil was in a lot of pain :( :( :(

Finally when I could no longer stand seeing him hurting I was the one who had to take him and hold him tightly against me while the vet ended his life! At least for awhile I think I hated God for not doing His job and making me raise my own hand against one of the two friends in my life I count the dearest.

I guess I'm going to stop writing now because it just makes me angry at God all over again for making me do what should have only been done by Him.

Anyway, I miss my little boy who was just the most wonderful, faithful, loving creature God ever gave the breath of life! I miss you Virgil!!!!!!!!!!!!!