I HATE ALL THINGS CORONA
Wednesday April 15, 2020 9:38 pmLet me be factual, it is not just the Corona-Virus I hate... but now because of it I hate all things corona!
I used to like seeing the corona from the sun or the moon... now, I turn away in disgust and spit if I even catch a mere glimpse of such a thing!
I despise the thought that I actually have body parts which are associated with the word, corona; i.e. my tooth or skull. Once I understood this I thought about having all my teeth pulled, then it occurred to me I would get crowns, and that word 'crown' is translated corona in Spanish!
I even entertained the idea of running my skull headlong into a concrete wall and breaking my corona. Do you know what stopped me? Nope, not the possible pain or even the stupidity of such an act. No, what stopped me was imagining the aftermath and what might happen at autopsy; as some unknown (to me) pathologist might remark and say that this poor foolish man, "...had broken his corona!"
I now crush any and all jonquil, daffodil, and milkweed that I see because of an appendage on the inner side of their corolla, yep, sadly it is also called a corona!
At night I have driven past power stations and have often seen the outward glow from high-voltage conductors, and before that never bothered me, but once I learned that glow is called corona... now I'm filled with rage and I want to drive through the fence and blow the whole thing up!
The other other night I could not sleep, so as I was lying awake anyway I began thinking where I might have seen any daffodils in my neighborhood, so the next time I'm out walking I could rush in to some strangers yard and trample them... just then I happened to glance over from my office chair and saw my cigar boxes. A combination of rage and horror etched my features and I raced (well, walked rather awkwardly is more accurate) to my boxes and threw the lids open!
Now, I like those big 60 ring cigars and I have a few in my collection... but the abhorrent thought I had was what if I had any Corona cigars with their highly unusual shape as part of my collection? Thankfully, I did not. Now I could return to my flower crushing fantasies!
I hate Corona, California! But to be fair, I already hated California even before this latest virus!
I now despise Corona beer! Can you imagine that the Pilgrims actually stopped their voyage before the end so they could go ashore and make beer. Yep, that's true but I bet if they knew one day some future blend would carry that horrid name they might have well sailed right past Plymouth!
Yep, if you ever want a fight on your hands from a broken, 60 something old guy just walk up to me and boldly say, "Corona!" I double-dog dare you!
posted by Robin Johnson @ 9:15 PM
<< Home