WISHING A LIFE AWAY :(
Monday August 11, 2014 8:10 amI started to ask if anyone has ever done "something" that was silly, or childish? However, that wouldn't even require serious thought because all of us has done something (singular) that is silly or childish. For me though it seems to be continual and it isn't just one "thing" it is continual and many "things!"
Last night found me (once again) staring up at a Super Moon and making silly and childish wishes like that event in nature really does have some power to make wishes come true? Such stupidity I sometimes display even amazes me... yet, I seem to be powerless to stop myself from doing such things.
I try and rationalize and sort of step back and look at myself as someone else might and I try to figure out why that person would be doing that even when they know better... and even if I have an answer for them (me) it still doesn't seem to help me to stop doing those things. I think it is just that to completely stop such activity is to give up all hope and that is so very hard for me to do. Even against all odds or reason I think maybe it is just that "hope" and "wishes" is all I've got, so it helps to sustain me and gives me a reason to go on with my daily grind.
Also I think in part I know there is an important date for me coming up soon so it's hard for me to not think about it... especially when it keeps popping into my head. I couldn't imagine being at work during that time so I took a week's vacation built around that date and I imagine I will find some woods and tramp around in them during that time... as being alone and hiking always seem to help me get through hard or sad times.
So, hope, wishes, an anniversary date of sorts... and everything else still does not negate the absurdity of certain things I do! Even writing this in an attempt to publicly chastise or scold myself for being so very stupid will most assuredly not work. Because in the back of my mind I have already stored away a certain fact... September 9 will be another Super Moon which will more than likely see me standing somewhere alone and looking up at a glorious nighttime sky and wishing my silly life away... still believing that wishes sometimes really do come true :(
posted by Robin Johnson @ 8:10 AM
<< Home