The Treasure Hunt

Friday June 13, 2014 6:31 pm

I'm maybe one of only a handful of people out there who likes this??? I actually like going to the dentist and having my teeth cleaned! Seriously :) I had my appointment today at 10:40 and as always whenever I leave there I like the way my mouth feels really clean and I keep running my tongue over my teeth. By the way, me liking my dentist visits has almost nothing to do with the very lovely dental hygienist with the beautiful and soulful eyes. I mean, what else is there to look at for 45 minutes as she is vigorously working on my mouth and just mere inches from my face :)

I will say though... I would not look forward at all to my regular appointments if they would be done by the male doctor who always comes in to examine her work whenever Melissa is finished. He seems nice, but all I could see when he leaned over me was the hair growing (unchecked) out of his nose... I wanted to vomit: honestly!!! I had to close my eyes and I tried to picture her face instead. Did I ever tell you (my readers) that I have a weak stomach: I really do.

Now, about tonight. Our full Moon tonight can be referred to as a “honey” Moon (more likely to appear yellow in color in the night sky than any other full Moon of the year) and more people are married in June than any other month. Therefore, some couples marry in this month so they can celebrate their “Honeymoon” beneath a “Honey” Moon. Neat, huh?

In certain cultures it is also called a “Hot” Moon (because of the start of summer) and even a “strawberry” Moon... because of the very short season that strawberries are harvested and this happens in the month of June. Tired yet of hearing about the Moon??? One more thing and I will be done with this part. Tonight, beneath a full yellow Moon I will look heavenward and think long, deep, and terribly sad thoughts: then, as before, I will try and put it behind me :( 

(Now, the real reason I'm writing today.)

Not unlike millions of others I have been sad for a very long time. For awhile now I have been in an active process of doing things that might help me to not feel that way... but I can't say for sure if it has helped? Maybe??? I know that part of it is that I can't forget things. And I know that certain things in life are better to be forgotten but I don't know how? So, I have made a decision to at the least stop one thing I do. 

I often commemorate sad events as they come unbidden to my mind... dates, anniversaries, etc. Usually I would write about them. In the past I thought maybe it was cathartic and it might even help me??? But, I'm not sure? Anyway, I'm hoping this will be the last time I ever put into writing anything sad that has happened in my life.

Tomorrow will be 28 years to the day that my mom died. In 1986 and in the month of June the Friday before she died was just like today... the 13th. Because I remember hoping that if she died it wouldn't be on the 13th. I'm really not superstitious... Friday the 13th is really no different than Saturday the 14th: (the day she died) nonetheless I was still glad she made it past that Friday. (If for no other reason than Mom was a bit superstitious herself, and I guess I wasn't sure if it would have bothered her?)

Someone dying is not the only way that it's possible to irrevocably lose a much loved one... I have lost people I've loved in all ways possible I think? They all hurt! Then, whenever I lose again I have always found myself writing about it on paper... through poems, songs, or just recording my thoughts and feelings so I could remind myself of my loss. I have even had myself inked in order to commemorate both sad... and even much happier times :)

So... today I'm trying something different and new: never again will I mention a sad day I've had and remind myself in writing why it was so very sad for me :( Instead, because I can't seem to forget dates, and times, and places... as those days approach I will stay away from this blog and write nothing at all. Neither will I write long letters to myself knowing none but me would ever read the words I wrote. In the past... hours without end when I could not find sleep I would sit in a darkened room and just type, all night sometimes... then, I would read what I wrote and then delete it as if nothing was ever written. Over the years I probably have written volumes like this :(

I know that once I sit down at a keyboard and begin typing (even now) my heart fills up with emotion and I can barely control what I write... so, I will just stay away from my desk and this blog during the bad times for me. Maybe it will help? We shall see.

I hope everyone who reads this has a good day today. And if you are not having a good day... call your dentist and go and get your teeth cleaned, maybe that will help improve your mood?

*** I just got home and thought I would add a picture: smoking a cigar and drinking an ice cold rum drink... nice evening :) ***