WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
Friday February 28, 2014 8:54 pm
Have you ever stopped... just stopped
and wondered about your life? I guess when I feel as I do I can't
help but recall the quote, or aphorism, take your pick, “Most men
lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside
them.” ~ (Thoreau) That's got to be me! But, if it is I'm not
alone: it seems to be the human condition, and that thought doesn't
cheer me either!
I'm not typically a sad person, or at
least outwardly and those who know me best (though not at all really)
would imagine I am an easy and free spirit. At least a half dozen
times today at work I told odd and funny stories (on purpose) during
breaks and lunch, just to see if I can still make people laugh? And
apparently I can.
Why then do I not take joy unto myself?
I have every good reason to be happy... as far as I know those I love
best are all healthy and doing well. Why then is that by itself not
enough? I'm grateful, I am. Why then is there always and forever even
in the midst of good times this “quiet desperation” that is
always with me and threatens to carry me away.
It cannot be a mid-life crisis... not
unless I'm destined to live until 2072! I can even physically still
do almost everything I could as a young man... and for that I am glad
as well. I do some of those things though simply because I rail
against death, and I try to push that specter as far into the future
as I can.
However, I only see my life as a
repetitive treadmill, I hop on and I can't find a way off. In a
typical day I awake early, sometimes eat and sometimes not. I shower,
dress, go to work. Then, maybe to the gym or some other place for a
bit... then, home. At home I might read or see some TV or lift a little or something
along those lines and eventually off to bed. What do you suppose
happens then? You guessed it: “I awake early, sometimes eat and
sometimes not. I shower, dress, go....” Do you see a pattern here
:(
Honestly I think the only fun thing I
have left in life is that I fight against growing old. Maybe I still
enjoy that because it is a fight and I know it's one I can't really
win! I suppose I can't imagine growing old gracefully??? I mean, I
know a man my age who has already given up on life... years before he
should have been old! He doesn't sit down in a chair, he falls into
it! And whenever he tries to stand he heaves himself to his feet
while making these God-awful grunts... just trying to stand! I'm
like, “Please buddy, quit making those horrible sounds and I'll get
a tow-motor and lift you up! Just please stop the old man sounds!”
PLEASE!!!
Hair grows out of his nose, his ears...
and his eyebrows look like two grown caterpillars have taken up
permanent residence! I mean, I swear: is there no mirror in his
house! And if he doesn't care... other people might! Look, I know
it's a waste of time, I admit it! The inevitable is going to happen!
Decay and death, if a person lives long enough it will happen, but
until it does... fight it!
Dylan Thomas while watching his dad die
wrote a famous poem that begins this way:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close
of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the
light.
That's what I do... I fight it, a
losing battle: of course! But I think it's the only thing I have left
to me in life that allows me to hang on to the modest amount of
sanity I still retain.
I miss Virgil :( He would always go walking or riding with me whenever I needed to sort some things out. He was such a dear friend to me... I really love him!!!!!!!
VEGGING OUT... AGAIN!
Sunday February 16, 2014 6:59 pm
Well, it's official... I'm a slug :) I
was off today and had a chance to workout or at least get something
productive done? Soooo, what did I do? Pretty much nothing all day
long. I did go for a very short hike in the snow with Brian and two
of my grandchildren at Charlestown State Park: trail # 2. But, both
before and after that I didn't do much of anything productive at all.
After I got back from the hike I did
watch a movie (all the way through) that I had only seen a small
portion of before, it is called Riddick. Before it started I poured some red wine for myself and then I sat down with a tall... and icy cold can of beer. I have to say I enjoyed it
the first time far more than I did today... even though today I did
get to see it all the way through.
I hope all who reads this had a better
day, or at least more fun than I did today. I have been having
trouble uploading pictures and videos to my blog. My videos have been
coming out wrong and not able to really view them... but I'm going to
try one more time.
After the hike Morgan and Leni built their very own snowman at the parking lot before we all got back into our respective cars and left. The snow was PERFECT for making snowmen!
If this video uploads correctly, you will see a pretty scene along the way with a small waterfall partially frozen and me talking to the girls.
Happy Valentine's Day
Friday
February 14, 2014 9:52 am
How Do I Love Thee?
How
do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth
and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of
sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the
level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I
love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as
they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my
old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love
I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the
breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,
I
shall but love thee better after death. ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Have
you ever loved anyone like that??? I have, still do... and always
shall!!!!!!!
TIME PASSAGES
Wednesday February 5, 2014 5:49 am
It's still early and dark and freezing
outside, but inside the house is warm. Most of last evening a cold
rain was falling so this morning everything is iced over. I will
leave for work in a few minutes but I thought I would write something
for my blog before I go.
Another day, another year, and hour by
hour life passes away. I remember when my wife was 17: today she
turns 58 years old... so, I wish her happy birthday!
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM
Sunday February 2, 2014 9:56 am
Recently I had someone say to me that
they were 'blindsided' by something. I sort of felt that way this
morning upon awaking... for I dreamed again! I suppose I should never
expect I won't... so in that sense I have no reason to feel
blindsided, but that's one of the first words I thought about after
coming fully awake.
Of course, that was after I tried to
get over that sick feeling of need that always arises in my stomach
after such dreams. I had a busy day yesterday and a hard workout last
evening so I guess if I had given thought to it before falling asleep
(though I didn't) I think I would have figured I would sleep
dreamlessly? But, that was not to be. And truth-be-told... feeling
sick, sad, or not, I wouldn't really want it any other way. It is
just that it usually takes me a long time to get over certain types
of dreams. For me I guess there is dreaming... and then there is
'really' dreaming, if that makes any sense? I suppose I just mean
that sometimes I dream in sequence and the dream seems so very real
that I can still taste and feel and even smell upon awaking exactly as I
could while I slept!
I have been up since well before light
just reading and trying to get my mind and heart back to a place
where I can get ready for work and get on with my day. I think when I
finish this I will lift for a bit with my small weights and then
dress for work. I hope all who reads this has a good day today. In my
small world here in southern Indiana it is cold and raining. I
suppose because of the way I feel that seems like perfect weather today :(
I will leave any who reads this with a
song I have played several times (so far) today from an old YouTube
video. The Everly Brothers made this song famous. If you are actually
with the one you love most in this world... then you don't have to
dream so you ought to count your blessings and then give them a big
kiss and hug... just because you can :)
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream,
dream
When I want you in my arms
When I want you and all your
charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam,
dream, dream, dream
When I feel blue in the night
And I
need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do
is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam
I can make you mine, taste your lips
of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I'm
dreamin' my life away
I need you so that I could die
I love
you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do
is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam
I
can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or
day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I'm dreamin' my life away
I
need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is
why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam,
dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream,
dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbU3zdAgiX8
Of course if you, like me, can only dream... then carefully follow instructions given in the following video and it helps, you have my word :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysxw7EON5xc
Groundhog Day Eve :)
Saturday February 1, 2014 10:44 pm
I suppose it's funny how many things in
life that are simple and I always wanted to do them and yet I have
not done so many of them! Celebrating Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney,
Pennsylvania is one of them that I've always thought about doing but
I haven't. So, one more thing to add to my list. If, I'm alive next
year at this same time... and I don't presume upon God, I will be
there next February 2nd to enjoy that day.
This year, just in case I'm at my
present place of employment for New Year's celebration 2015, I have
already requested that week as a vacation week as I plan to be in New
York to celebrate at Time's Square. (Also, another thing I've always
imagined I would enjoy but have not yet done.) I suppose I'm trying
to compile some sort of “bucket list” without actually calling it
that.
This evening after work I got in a
really good workout at Planet Fitness then I came home and for my
supper I just had cabbage with brown rice & celery sticks with
hummus... and for my dessert, I drank an ice cold Bud light. Yummy!
I hope all who reads this has a good
day... er, I guess night now :)
