SML...HOYA!!!!!!!
Sunday September 14, 2014 9:23 am
I did not intend to write anything
today... my thought was simply to upload what I had previously typed?
Also, I intended to be somewhere in the woods hiking today: instead,
we are over at the old house finishing packing for a truck I am
renting in the morning. So, as before, it seems that what I usually intend I am not able to do: this time it is both in writing and hiking.
Twice this week I sat down and wrote
for an hour or so collecting my thoughts for what I had wanted to
type for this day; yet, two times after reading over what I had
carefully and thoughtfully wrote... I simply deleted. Therefore, anyone
who reads this blog will not be reading certain things I have learned
the hard way about relationships, loves, and life in general.
As an aside, I won't be able to write anything else until AT&T comes out to our new house and installs the Internet. I am planning on calling them tomorrow and setting it up. However, I'm not sure when they will be out? So, please take care until the next time we meet... here, on my blog.
To any who might stop by and read... I hope you have a really good day!
BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON
Wednesday September 10, 2014 7:45 am
I'm on vacation!!! Of course, not a
vacation where someone goes away and actually enjoys themselves:
nope, not me! I mean, that sounds too normal and too much like fun!
Instead, I think I'm going to stick around here for seven days and
move boxes and stuff like that. However, it is still good to be away
from work. (Albeit, one particular day of this seven day period I am
planning on a short hike to get away and be by myself.)
Speaking of work... and normal? The
last two nights because I was closing, and then riding home after
that, I was able to witness a lot of stars and a couple of nights of
a big, beautiful, Super-Moon. Which, naturally for me means senseless
wishing, but this time... one more thing; I broke out into song! Yep,
now comes the REALLY... not-so-normal part!
The Moon was big (hence, Super-Moon) so
I started singing (as I was riding my bike at 12:30 in the a.m.) “By
the Light of the Moon...” The biggest problem, besides the fact
that I sing like crap is that I only know about twelve to fifteen
words to that whole song. You know, “By the light, of the silvery
Moon... I wanna spoon...” things like that. So in order to try and
make up for that particular handicap (you know, me being an idiot) I
decided to harmonize, AND in THREE parts.
So, I'm riding my bike through dark
neighborhoods at a quarter to one in the morning... wishing on a Moon
that hears nothing, and beginning to sing, in what I think is
Falsetto? “By the light” (now Tenor) “By the light” (now here
comes big-boy baritone) “By the light” and (now in unison???
yeah, try that as just one person... it ain't easy) “of the silvery
(Falsetto) moon... (Tenor) moon... (Baritone) moon... I wanna
spoon... spoon... spoon...” Yep, I'm a freak!
This morning as I'm recalling my
actions of the last couple of nights I guess I sort of wish I knew
what it was to be really “normal” like the majority of people. I
bet they have fun when they don't have a zoo (where all the animals
have escaped their cages) for a brain!
Well, I might be a freak, but today I'm
a freak on vacation (sort of) and that can't be all bad! I hope any
and all who might read this has a good day today!
ANOTHER THING
Sunday September 7, 2014 7:46 pm
I got off work this afternoon at four
and we had gone with Missy, Brian and the kids to Senor Iguana's
for dinner... I ate too much! At least the free chips and dips they
kept setting out I wasn't sure how to stop :)
I have something special coming up for
me and in my heart I am going to celebrate it, but only in that
way... in my heart. I'm not sure if I will write anymore this week or
not? Except, the one I'm writing for next Sunday's post I am going to
write ahead of time this week and just post it on Sunday. I made a
decision sometime ago not to write anything sad or hurtful anymore on
this blog... and on days or dates that are troublesome for me I'll just not
write anything at all :(
With that in mind (I think???) I'm
going to write for next week some lessons I've learned. These lessons
have not been easy, I wish I had never had to learn them at all. They
(I know... that ubiquitous “they.” lol) say that 'ignorance is
bliss' and if that is even partly true then at least some of these
particular life lessons I've learned I guess I wish I had remained
ignorant of some truths. It isn't that I don't like learning
things... I do: however, what is the point of knowing things, when
nothing profitable can ever come of it? It seems more torture than
not knowing?
I feel like Scrooge when he implored
the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come to stop showing him things that is now beyond his power to
change anything. He said, “Are these the shadows of the things
that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only? […]
Why show me this, if I am past all hope! […] Assure me that I yet
may change these shadows you have shown me, by an altered life!” I
mean, "Why show me this, if I am past all hope!"
Anyway,
I begin a week's vacation this Wednesday after I close the next two days. HATE THAT!!! Ostensibly I am off this week to move. However, I
am going to move Deb over there by this Friday (or earlier) but I'm going to remain
here for the rest of the month... and take my time moving things over. That way by the time the end of the month is here everything should be over there and we would be unpacked completely.
Well,
I might write more this week and post as I go... I'm not sure? But,
the main one I'm contemplating writing I will not post it until early
next Sunday morning... then that day I'm going to go for a walkabout.
(Lol) Not really, but I am going to find some woods and be alone for
awhile. I do my best thinking there.
I
hope anyone who reads this has a good night!
IT'S SUNDAY
Sunday September 7, 2014 5:14 am
I was able to ride my bike for the
first time yesterday after hurting my knee at work 10 days ago. I
opened yesterday and again today and because of that I need to leave
an hour earlier than I would if I was driving. It's only nine miles
but I allow myself time to wash up and change into work clothes once
I'm there... and the ride takes nearly 40 minutes. I'm only writing
this trying to give a reason why I wasn't able to sleep well last
night... maybe knowing I had to awake very early again? I tossed and turned and kept reaching for my phone in the
dark to check the time.
I last checked at it 2:43 and I must
have fallen asleep after that because I awoke from a bad dream at
3:58 (I had to be up at 4:45 anyway) so I just stayed awake and have
been sitting in my office reading news stories and bored... so I
figured I would bore any who might read my drivel this morning. You
know, “misery loves company.”
Well, it's 5:12 and I
still have to dress so I guess I'll wish any who might read this a
happy day.
Oh, about my title? I figured I would just point out the obvious... it's Sunday :)
LABOR DAY
Monday
September 1, 2014 9:12 am
I
guess I have nothing (like usual) of great importance to write but
before leaving for work I thought I would record a few lines. First,
“Happy Labor Day” to any and all who might read these few words
today.
I
awoke earlier and as usual my shoulder is aching and I remembered a
quote from Lord Byron he had written in a letter to a friend. At the
time he wrote this he was only in his 20's but he clearly understood
something about aging. I think he had been ill for a bit when he saw,
“...the sword wearing out the scabbard...” I love that line and
that thought: for it's the same in me, all men I suppose?
This
morning I awake and in my spirit (my sword) I still feel young. I
have hopes and long held dreams and desires... and things I still
long to do. Yet, my body (my scabbard) has much different ideas and I
see my life passing away without accomplishing much of anything at
all really. And certain dreams... are merely that, just a dream :(
In
this same letter to his friend he included a poem which added to the
lament of giving up... of course not willingly, but having to simply
by reason of age, infirmity, or just the passing of time, He titled it:
So
We'll Go No More a Roving
So,
we'll go no more a roving
So
late into the night,
Though
the heart be still as loving,
And
the moon be still as bright.
For
the sword outwears its sheath,
And
the soul wears out the breast,
And
the heart must pause to breathe,
And
love itself have rest.
Though
the night was made for loving,
And
the day returns too soon,
Yet
we'll go no more a roving
By
the light of the moon.
I
understand well his angst in seeing time steal everything away and
with it the hope of what might have been? I see this in the words,
“Though the heart be still as loving, and the moon be still as
bright.” I mean on the surface nothing has changed... not the
feelings of his heart and neither that which seems unchangeable, like
the brightness of the Moon. Yet, time... that hateful specter, steals
away even hope after awhile. Because you keep telling yourself,
“Someday.. someday, just wait and see, it will happen,,, someday!”
Then, one day a person looks up and deep within themselves they
realize... “someday” will never really happen, it was but a dream
within a dream.
And
the last stanza... well, I remember that time as if it were but only
yesterday, “Though the night was made for loving, and the day
returns too soon, yet we'll go no more a roving by the light of the
moon.” Sad, so very, very, sad :(
Me
thinks I will now turn my hourglass over once again and watch my life,
and my dreams fall and fail with the passing of each tiny grain of
sand: then, as always, I will dress and once again leave for work.
Many times doing things I hate simply because I'm expected and
supposed to be doing them. Yep, me and Martin sadly share the same
fate when he said, “My whole life is … 'have to.'”
I
didn't want to be Martin... I would have rather been 'Benjamin'
crying out (…...) in the movie it was “Elaine.” In real life
(lol) I'm neither Martin or Benjamin... rather, just a guy trying to get by the best he can, Yep, I'm average, and typical, and now leaving for work :)
