HAPPY LEAP DAY
Wednesday February 29, 2012 7:43 am
Today I am celebrating my 15th Leap Day during my lifetime: what number are all of you at? I know... I know... I look for any and all reasons to celebrate (:
What started me thinking about this is that I was up before dawn this morning and cataloging and categorizing a lot of my old collectibles. I have been on this project now for the last few weeks and I am almost done: whew. (knives, stamps, books, coins, cards, old 78's with a lot of jazz & blues, etc. etc. etc.) After today all that remains will be to put all of them up for sale. I have started a Craig's List account and I just renewed with Ebay late last evening.
Anyway, I was reading through a few of my favorite old letters and wondering about the people from some of the letters: 1895 wedding announcement, 1910 letter stamped Chicago and from a homesick son to his mother in Louisville, Kentucky. A love letter from a man in 1933 Alabama to his sweetheart (?) in Louisville and he is pouring his heart out to her and wondering why she has not been writing? (On that last one I think I know the answer?) I found another letter from her to a different man in Ohio and she sounds rather sweet on him. I think I feel a little heartsick this morning for that long-dead letter writer from 1933 Alabama ):
I think the nostalgia from reading (again) some of these old letters started me thinking about those people with their real lives and real dreams, happiness, heartache, and all that goes into a life... and all of their lives are over and done and most probably has been for decades: so, better celebrate while you can and for any reason at all. Remember... life is short!
Happy Leap Day!!!!!!!
A LARGE SLICE OF HUMBLE PIE... PLEASE
Monday February 20, 2012 7:30 pm
For some time I have been trying to imagine some things I might do in order to try and change my life. Recently I have done a few things along those (life-changing) lines but those will most probably turn out to my detriment and not my betterment. Anyway, a few weeks ago I thought I might like to make a stab at college... seriously. So, I contacted a few in our area and I got their costs per hour and settled on one which sort of meets my criteria: close to me in proximity and not too very expensive. (Ivy Tech Community College)
I filled out all the necessary paperwork and received my student identification number and letter of acceptance dated February 14... my "born" day. (lol) All that was left was to go to their school and take their placement test to make certain I was “college material.” Again... me, college material: that is good for another lol!
I left work early today and took my test. It was divided into three sections: writing skills, reading comprehension, and mathematics... and in that order. “Good” I thought: I will save my best for last. After all, mathematics has always been my favorite subject.
I was given the scores on the tests immediately after they were complete. At the bottom of page one it states: Message for Criminal Justice Majors: that is me... lol
Writing Skills Placement Test: I scored 99. Wait a minute, how could I have missed one? I felt ashamed.
Reading Placement Test: I scored 91. C'mon, someone's cheating: I have been reading and understanding what I was reading for 50 years now... what a joke. That should have been 2 – 100's (:
Oh well (I thought) the good news is the math score is next, I probably aced that one! WHAT... WHAT... WHAT... 51 percentile! I hung my head in shame and crawled out the door and down the hallway and out to my car... what an idiot! 51 PERCENTILE! I don't have to take any special classes for writing or reading but I have to take either Algebra II or Concepts of Mathematics 118. I might as well buy a dunce hat and sit with the other dunces and class clowns in the corner of a room somewhere.
I tried to console myself with the fact that the last time I sat in a classroom (in a seat of learning) I was 16 years old and that was forty years ago. So, I suppose I have mostly forgotten everything I ever learned about higher math. Driving home I felt great sadness for students I tried to teach at Truth and Liberty. I somehow now suspect that all of the formulas I gave them were probably wrong and they have lost countless jobs trying to put into practice what I “taught” them. Poor, stupid kids... and all my fault!
Years ago I was watching an episode of Dharma and Greg and in this episode (as a married adult) she was going to college for the first time in her life. In this comedy series she had been raised by a couple of hippie parents who had their own world view and she had been home-schooled. Anyway, every time there was a question posed to the class she would excitedly answer. The problem: all of her answers were wrong. Her dad had taught her and he had put his own spin and world view on everything he taught. Anyway... that's what the poor, struggling kids under my tutelage from Hurricane has probably had to do these last 20 (+) years: unlearn what I "taught" them. (LOL) Somehow, in a twisted sort of way, that amuses me. I mean, I am sitting here and grinning as I type this part.
April is always the date to renew membership in MENSA. I'm fairly certain... WITH A 51 PERCENTILE grouping in mathematics I will not be renewing my membership with them. I just had a thought... I wonder if they can recall or expel a past member who turns out to be an idiot: that might be just what I need, a humbling experience. Well, truth be told: such an act, if they would do that, would actually amuse me to no end; seriously.
After my initial embarrassment sort of wore off: I trudged on and a few minutes ago (online) I scheduled my class orientation for this Friday. I can hardly wait to see the reaction of the 20 somethings who will also be in that class when I come trudging into the room on Friday. Lol
Of course, even though I have a student identification number and have been accepted... between now and the next few months when classes actually begin: I might come to my senses and realize it's too late in life for me to really do this. I'll keep you posted
MEMORIES
Sunday February 19, 2012 2:22 PM
Scientists will state that unequivocally the human mind, at least the male species, will begin to lose some capacity and especially as it relates to memory at age 45. Now I know that these are just averages, but I am many years the other side of that number and in my case it isn't so. In that regard I feel like Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button as his character begins to reverse the aging process. Of course (and sadly) I'm still aging: but, my memory is not only still keen, I seem to be recalling things to the minutest detail. Even some things I would do better to forget ):
I have always been able to recall dates and times, places, etc. that are important to me... now those events seem to be inescapable for me and I find myself rehearsing them in my mind. I honestly wish there was a happy medium for me: Although I honestly mourn and feel sorrow for those who lose their memory or suffer from some mental impairment, but at the same time I also know that they are incapable of grieving or feeling loss for something (or someone) for whom they have no memory. I guess I am not sure which way would be better?
My mother-in-law was physically blind and when I used to watch her walk I would sometimes wonder would she have been happier if she had been born blind... rather than to have lost her eyesight in her '30's. I reasoned that if she had been born blind then it would be impossible to feel loss for something she had never known. However, having been sighted and then to lose that... well, I imagined that would be the greater loss?
But, I have come to know first-hand that you can feel grief and a great sense of loss even for something you have never had. And I try to reason with myself and I ask,,, how is that even possible? For that question I have repeatedly asked myself... I still don't know the answer, I just know it's possible.
Early in December I set out to change that and I set a course which I thought would help me to get past... go through, run sideways, whatever... just somehow change direction from where I had been and (possibly) where I was headed? What a joke I played on myself. Today, as I sit here and type I realize I still have the same memories... just added guilt.
Perhaps it is because I am at my weakest as I am awaking from sleep and for just a few seconds I have to actually remind myself to breathe as I awake with a thought or memory that completely crushes and takes my breath away. Once I begin to be fully awake I can usually rationalize and force myself to think about something else... and I am okay again? Sometimes I believe that is why I don't like falling asleep. Because I can't seem to control what I might dream or those first thoughts upon waking. Sleeps overrated anyway. (Lol)
I had a friend many years ago and her name was Lilie, I used to tease her that she was the only person I knew who thought taking an afternoon nap was having a good time. (Maybe in teasing her I was just jealous that she could so easily sleep?)
I suppose if wishes could come true I would wish to have the same memories and feelings without the insufferable and hopeless feelings of loss and sadness for what could never be. Well, I'm weary with thinking... so, "I think" I am going for a swim! (lol)
FREE AT LAST
Tuesday February 14 7:03 am
Happy Valentine's day... otherwise known as the day (57 years ago) I was born! Now, of course, I wasn't birthed until nine months later on November 12th. And it was on that day I was exactly like Martin Luther King Jr. – except I wasn't liberal, and I'm not black. So, I suppose I was nothing like him at all... with one exception. When I was finally birthed, after nine long and excruciating months, I came out singing the last line of one of his more famous speeches: "FREE AT LAST. FREE AT LAST. THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, I'M FREE AT LAST.”
Well, truth be told... I probably didn't really sing that because I didn't yet know how to talk: however, I'm fairly certain I was probably thinking those words. I don't know about you but I have always been somewhat troubled in my mind whenever I am in very close quarters and I feel it is probably from those nine months being confined in such a tight spot... sort of like a little prison: albeit, with no bars. (Now that's sort of an unsettling thought for this early morning; i.e. such a place being a “little prison with no bars.”) lol
Besides all that I would like to wish all my friends and those precious few whom I love more than life itself... “HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!”
5-4-3-2-1 ... 0
Wednesday February 8, 2012 10:20 pm
I started with five... two were of a more serious nature, and three were whimsy. Two whimsy and one of the serious ones were gone after fifteen days. Then, there were two... and that lasted until yesterday, and now there are none.
If I live until then I am confident I will make no resolutions for 2013. Of course we might not make it past 12/20-21... remember, the world is supposed to end? The good news if that were to happen is that none of us would ever have to fail with any more resolutions. Just curious, if I still have any readers at all after weeks without writing... did any of you make a resolution? And if you did... how's it going with you?
Have any of you ever started strong, determined... going to do something regardless: then, it all falls apart anyway. I guess no matter how well-intentioned or determined a person might be about something... anything; there is one sure-fire way for all of those good intentions to be carried away. Blaise Pascal said it better than I can: "All of our reasoning ends in surrender to feeling."
So, I am back to square one. Really less than that. When I started with one I was sort of on level ground... now I am much afraid I have dug a hole, a rather deep one.(lol) 5-4-3-2-1 ... and there there was none. I think that's a synopsis of my life :(
On a lighter note I had Virgil out earlier this week and I heard one of my favorite sounds in nature. A woodpecker was (apparently) very high in a tree and busy. I love that staccato rapid-fire sound they make. I stopped walking and searched for him everywhere, but I never did spot him. Which seemed to me a bit unusual because all of the trees are mostly bare. Regardless, I still enjoyed the sounds he was making. I think this warm weather has deceived the animals and they are preparing for springtime whilst we are still (supposedly) in the middle of winter?
Finally, I have had someone on my heart and in my mind a lot and I am sending prayers and praying that everything is well with them. I know that worry is a sin and I shouldn't do that... although, if worrying was my worst sin, I think I would feel like I ought to be nominated for sainthood.
