HEAVEN JUST WON'T BE HEAVEN... (PART TWO)
Friday January 24, 2014 12:10 pm
Evidently I have no fear of speaking
what (according to at least one person I know) amounts to blasphemy?
Yep, no kidding. First let me state which part of that statement
about speaking things aloud is true. This person IS correct in that if I think something in my mind I have no fear of saying it out loud.
Let me explain. There are thoughts I
have that flash through my mind which I consider not my own... those
I never speak out loud. Probably they are some remnant of something
I've heard, or read, or seen somewhere along the way and sometimes
for no good reason they will pop into my mind. And yes, some of those
thoughts are both heinous, and even blasphemous! However, I don't
consider those as my own because I don't allow them to grow, neither
do I dwell upon them and make them my own: I simply dismiss them and
move on, so to speak.
But there are thoughts that I claim as
mine as not only do I have them in my mind but I dwell on them and
build upon them until they are truly my own. ALL such thoughts as
those I am unafraid to speak, even if it is something about God that
might go against usual thought and most people just don't talk about
it. But, why not? I mean, if you believe that God (as I believe)
knows your thoughts as well as the words you speak why are you afraid
to speak aloud what you continually think about? Either you are a
hypocrite, else you believe in a very small 'god' who has limited
power and can not know what you are thinking?
Now, to my blasphemy? (Lol) I believe
the Scripture teaches in dozens of places that animals (of some type
and sort) will be in Heaven. Now, either you also believe that or you
simply do not believe the Bible at all: for there are many verses
that teach this truth.
Before I show and talk about some of
these verses let me tell you this particular person's ignorance when
it comes to understanding Scripture. He said that only the “redeemed”
would be there? (Foolishness, complete and utter hogwash! And naturally I was quick to point out his ignorance of Scripture! lol) I told him if that were true there would be no angels in Heaven. Would someone please
inform Gabriel, Michael and the rest that they (because they have
never been redeemed) can not stay in Heaven. Also, no seraphim's, no
cherubims... and neither the creatures around the throne who cry out”
“Holy, holy, holy...” And horses... FORGET IT! I mean, why don't
we just throw out all the verses that silly men disagree with. Wait,
I forgot, that's what modernists already do with all of their
translations: search for 'Bibles' until they find some they can agree with or
like. Lol
Alright, let's look at some verses.
Revelation 19:11 “And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white
horse...” Yep, an “unredeemed” animal... in this case a horse
which is in Heaven and God Himself is riding it! Now, is this some
anomaly and there is just this one animal in Heaven? Nope... read on!
Verse 14: “And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon
WHITE HORSES...” Yep, entire armies made up of men riding horses!
Psalm 148... Everything God created
praises Him: including, “...Beasts, and all cattle; creeping
things, and flying fowl...” (verse 10). Then the last Psalm, 150
states: “Let everything that hath breath praise the Lord...”
In Isaiah chapter six when the prophet
saw God sitting upon His throne it was a creature (who was not
redeemed) singing and praising God and saying, “...Holy, holy,
holy, is the Lord...”
Revelation chapter five depicts the
great last scene in Heaven. Read what it says: “And every
creature which is in Heaven, and on the earth, and under
the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them,
heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto
him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and
ever. And the four beats said, Amen. And the four and twenty elders
fell down and worshipped him that liveth for ever and ever.” (EVERY
CREATURE)
Read II Samuel 12:3. God sent His
prophet Nathan to rebuke David. It's very important to understand it
was GOD speaking through His prophet when He said to David: “But
the poor man had nothing, save one little ewe lamb, which he had
brought and nourished up: and it grew up together with him, and with
his children; it did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup,
and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter.” First, keep
in mind THIS WAS GOD describing the relationship between one part of
his creation (a man) loving another part of God's creation (a ewe
lamb) and treating this lamb even as a daughter. So, The Lord saw
nothing wrong with this at all!
Then, David's reaction once he learned
a wicked traveler had killed this man's little lamb: did David act
like it was no big deal? No, in fact David promised God's servant
that he WOULD KILL this wicked traveller for what he had done. There
was no rebuke from God or King David for how this man loved and
nurtured an animal and treated it even, “... as a daughter...”
When Christ was born... who did He
choose (before His birth) to be surrounded by... was it not animals,
in a stable?
There are literally hundreds of
examples throughout Scripture which teaches that animals are the only
part of God's creation (and that had the breath of life) which never
sinned against Him. We, not the animals are the fallen part of His
creation. It is also true that in the beginning animals were never
intended (by God) for their flesh to be eaten. It wasn't until after
the Great Flood that God gave His permission for man to kill and
consume what was once living flesh.
In the beginning Adam and Eve had a
healthy and natural relationship of being nurturers and caregivers to
all of God's animals. Then, of course once man entered a state of sin
then all of that changed... but that was man's fault and not the
fault of the animals which God created.
When God was telling Jonah why He
should spare Nineveh listen carefully to what He says is His reasons.
Jonah 6:11: “And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city,
wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern
between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle.”
(AND ALSO MUCH CATTLE) God was wanting to spare Nineveh for the sake
of men, women, children, AND animals!
Now my statement which started this
whole debate, I said that for me, “Heaven just won't be Heaven
unless Virgil is waiting for me.” Then, I added to my 'blasphemy'
by saying, “In fact, Virgil is the first one I want to see when I
get there!”
Remember when I said as long as my
thoughts are truly my thoughts and believing that God already knows
them anyway is why I don't behave as a hypocrite before Him. He knows
that's what I want and I'm not fearful to admit it. Besides, there is
a very good reason why I want Virgil to be first for me to see and talk with.
God, has heard me thousands of times
with my own voice thanking Him for what He has done... and because He
knows all things He easily understood me. At one time men and animals
could communicate with each other.
We know that the serpent spoke
with Eve in the Garden and we also know that God allowed Balaam's
donkey to carry on a conversation with him. This is recorded in
Numbers 22:28-30. Anyway, with my own voice and with me being finally
able to understand Virgil (as it once was in the Garden of Eden) I
want to be able to tell him again just how very much I loved (and
love) him and how important he was to me!
He might have heard me tell
him that 10,000 times but this will be the first time with a new and
shared understanding between the two of us. In my lifetime on this
Earth, Virgil – my friend will be the only son I will ever know...
and I treated him as such.
So, I say again, “Heaven just won't
be Heaven unless Virgil is waiting for me.”
HEAVEN JUST WON'T BE HEAVEN...
Thursday January 23, 2014 10:12 am
I'm a heretic... apparently :) I LOVE
debates!!! Actually I really don't... I mean I do (love them that is)
but I just don't try to have them anymore as usually they serve no
useful purpose. However, yesterday at work I had one and it was great
fun! At least I thought so :)
I started about twenty minutes ago to
write about my topic but after I started writing many thoughts came
to mind and I realized this will take me longer than I first thought
to complete, so I've decided to offer a little teaser today and
probably finish typing and upload the main part sometime tomorrow. I
close tonight and then I have someplace to go so I won't be able to
work on this until tomorrow.
I hope everyone who reads this has a
good day today.
A QUESTION ANSWERED???
Saturday January 18, 2014 9:04 am
First: to the only person who has
written me in a very long time to ask about something I posted...
well, I don't know for sure? However, I also believe it has to do
with a long passage of time (one reason I like the poem) and snow is
probably only a metaphor for gray hair? (A little snow was here and
there disseminated in her hair.) So, I think you are right in that.
I think what makes poetry nice to read
is that we don't always know what the writer meant and therefore it's
open for personal interpretation and we usually take from it whatever
it is that we brought to it? Sort of like two people hearing the same
sermon... one might take something from it that's useful and another
might have gotten zero from it? Most of the time it is because we
brought nothing to it in the first place.
So, whether or not I brought anything
to this in order to try and understand her poem is a moot point. But,
I think it is about a man who has long loved the same girl who he
never won. And Emily Dickinson uses the seasons to hide the passages
of time. Notice that the “snow” (gray) is now in her hair, “since
she and I had met and played.” So, I think that marks a long
passage of time from when he first knew her when she was young and
had no gray hair until now when there is just a little sprinkled
“here and there.”
But, the man written about in this
poem... and yep it is a man! Lol He thinks that when he looks at her
that “time has added” to but not “obtained” (or lessened her
beauty) and he thinks of her as a lovely “rose.” Notice that he
believes the rose is “impregnable” and too “obdurate” for
snows. Again, if snow is a metaphor for old age and gray hair, then
this man believes his “rose” will always be beautiful! In his
heart her beauty is unchanging, and I think that is proven by the
line, “Too obdurate for snows.”
At least for him, his rose as she ages
will only grow more... and not less beautiful. Only a couple of times
have I ever tried to answer in a blog a question someone has asked me
about a blog. But I reasoned there might be a few others who read the
poem and also wondered about hidden meanings? I think all good
writers... at least those I like best always have hidden thoughts in
what they write.
Well, I'm off for work and I hope all
who reads this has a very good day today!
A LITTLE SNOW
Friday
January 17, 2014 6:10 am
I'm
off to work in a few minutes. If have to work at least today is my
favorite shift: opener! Then, I work tomorrow and I'm off Sunday.
Right now I'm almost to the end of my worst rotation with only two
days off in 12 days, so I hate that monthly rotation!
We
are back to experiencing colder temperature here in the Midwest.
Actually I don't mind too much but if we are having the cold I would
like to see a good snowfall as well... but so far that's not
happening. (My wife did just inform me though that at this time it is
apparently snowing with “big” flakes falling :)
Yesterday
was day one for me on my new diet plan, periodically I will probably
write about it and keep any who reads up-to-date with my progress.
Emily
Dickinson wrote a short poem called, 'A Little Snow was here and
there.' I'll leave everyone with that today.
A
little Snow was here and there
Disseminated in her Hair --
Since
she and I had met and played
Decade had gathered to Decade --
But
Time had added not obtained
Impregnable the Rose
For summer too
indelible
Too obdurate for Snows
I
hope everyone has a good day today! Me... I'm off to work and then to
a new movie tonight!
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose
Thursday January 16, 2014 8:05 am
Have you ever had strange things happen
to you? Example: you have a dream about someone and then you see
them? Or, a person comes unbidden to your thoughts and out of the
blue they call you? Things like that is what I'm meaning. If that has
ever happened to you how do you explain it? (Also in either of those
two examples it can not be someone you see or hear from often else
there would be no great mystery.) Do you think it's some left over
vestige from the early days of man like what Adam and Eve might have
possessed... and through the passage of time and great sin we have
lost? Yet, this “mental telepathy” still seems to hang around at
the very edges of our subconscious mind to occasionally appear, and
give us a glimpse of what might have been considered normal at one
time on Earth? Regardless the reason... odd things do happen. For
today's blog I will use the accepted idea of contemporary man and
simply call such things, “odd coincidences.”
I suppose in every person's life there
are dates that are important to them... anniversaries if you will? Of
course, some dates we mark and take note of are of the happy variety:
birthday's, Christmas, etc. Then, naturally there are also
anniversary dates we mark that are solemn or sad, e.g., December 7th
or September 11th comes to mind. Anyway, for me, yesterday was a sad
anniversary date. No fanfare of course, for none but me would even
know its meaning: nonetheless, I didn't like it! However, in marking
its passage it has spurred me to (in my mind) accept an “enough is
enough” philosophy and to try something new in my life. Well, I
guess not really new as I've been there before but I guess “newer”
is more accurate... and with a new set of parameters and with a
different goal and purpose this time around.
In part, and only in part I will now
explain why I spent another night tossing and turning and trying to
sleep before giving up and getting up to shower, shave, and dress for
another day. During my last break at work I was drinking a “Naked”
berry drink and pondering certain things in my mind when an old guy
from the paint department came in and sat down beside me. Many years
ago he had attended seminary and had studied to be a priest and had
failed and I also had failed in my life in the ministry so whenever
he comes in and sits beside me he usually has something on his mind.
And by that I only mean more than the mundane talk which helps to
pass the time during breaks.
So, for the next several minutes we
exchanged ideas about the verse found in Ecclesiastes 1:9 as he had
brought that up. It's funny, but the verse was perfect because I had
already been mulling that same thought over in my mind. Except what I
had been thinking was the more pessimistic example the French use and
what I chose for the title of my blog this morning. In essence, both
that old Proverb and Ecclesiastes are saying the same thing. So, I
guess I had already decided that 757, 382, 400 seconds are enough!
lol
Also beginning today I am starting a food cleanse that will be 100% vegan and gluten-free. I will continue this until I reach my weight loss goal I had set some time back. I think this will help to cleanse me physically as well as help me to reach my goal that diet and exercise alone has not allowed me to reach and maintain.
I hope all who reads this has a great day! (As that is also my goal for myself as well.)
I MADE AN OFFER :)
(MY OLDEST DAUGHTER (TAMMY) GOT MY VIDEO TO FINALLY WORK FROM YESTERDAY'S BLOG... SO, IT'S NOW READY TO VIEW!)
Monday January 13, 2014 8:07 pm
Today was rainy and I was bored so I
made an offer on a car... haven't heard anything from the dealership
yet.
I will upload a video of the car I made
an offer on and I'm also going to upload a video of a very neat
little shack on the grounds of the Abbey. I saw it in the woods and
it is a place where people have left prayer requests written out on
scraps of paper and tacked to the walls, or stuck in cracks around
the ceiling... it was pretty neat!
I hope everyone has a nice night. I
just finished my first shift of six in a row at work... always the
stretch I hate most. One more thing: it ought to be obvious to
everyone reading that I have not yet won the lottery. My clue? I
still have a job I go to... ugh!!!
It's rainy outside and it's supposed to drop
into the twenties with some some small amount of snow falling...
please!!! If it's going to snow please stop teasing these little
amounts and drop some serious amounts: like maybe a foot or so :)
SILENCE IS SPOKEN HERE (WITH VIDEO)
(The title for this blog I took from placards that was placed on the dining room tables.)
Sunday January 12, 2014 12:56 pm
I'm
home now and I just put on a pot of fresh coffee, and when that's
done I'm going to add Baileys crème brulee coffee creamer, toast a
bagel and butter it with sour cream and chives and then cut myself a
nice wedge of some cheese I bought which was made by the monks
outside of New Haven, Kentucky. And for dessert for my breakfast
foods I'm going to eat a cookie that was made by Sisters of St.
Benedict of Ferdinand, Indiana. (These cookies are called, Hildegard
cookies.) Then, as I eat I will take notice that the house is quiet
and I'm alone with my thoughts... and in-turn I will write about a
few things I learned during my brief respite at the Abbey of
Gethsemani.
Because
it's in my heart to say some good things about my experiences there I
suppose I must dutifully say a few other things first. I did not
before I went there agree with much that the Roman Catholic Church
teaches... and I still do not: Transubstantiation, men confessing
their sins to other men, baptism of babies, Ex Cathedra and Papal
decrees, the myth of Mary being a perpetual virgin, Purgatory, High
or low mass, the non-assurance of salvation, etc. etc. etc. If I
tried at all I could easily come up with another dozen things that
the Roman Catholic church does which is either extra-Biblical and
(or) in many, many cases, anti-Biblical! There, for any who knows me
and might read what I write today do not imagine I will be sitting in
some Roman Catholic rite of Mass someday... for I will not! However,
there are a few comments I want to make about some of the monks I
observed and spoke with. And, yes, in certain areas of the grounds
talking is permissible (even with the monks) and I took advantage of
that.
For
any who does not know me well, yet might take notice of the rough way
I have... and at times still live it might come as a surprise to
them that I like poetry. Not all poetry, but just those poems that
seem to have many different and layered meaning to their prose. As I
watched the monks walk about in their self imposed solitary lives I
recalled a line from something that Emily Dickinson had written. In
life, Emily Dickinson was a recluse: therefore a lot of her work
wrote of dark and gloomy things: yet, some of her work I liked a lot.
I
could only recall two lines so as soon as I crossed the road and was
deeper into the woods I used my smart phone and found the complete
verse I was searching my mind for:
Growth
of Man, like growth of Nature –
Gravitates
within –
Atmosphere,
and Sun, endorse it –
But
it stir – alone –
Each
– its difficult Ideal
Must
achieve – Itself –
Through
the solitary prowess
Of
a Silent Life
The
words from Dickinson I kept recalling as I watched these men were:
“Through the solitary prowess of a silent life.”
Although
I always admired the true stoics and Ascetics, and if for no better
reason than my life seemed more in line with a hedonist... and it
seemed beyond my comprehension that any person would willingly give
up the life of a hedonist in pursuit of either of the other two
schools of philosophy. Yet, I still admired men who could do that.
However, I always looked at such men as living wasted lives! For
example: many men who have chosen to live as monks have much training
and great formal education. Most of them can speak, read, write and
(or) translate in several languages. Among these languages are Greek,
Hebrew, Aramaic, Latin, etc.
So,
I used to imagine these men, who in the world would be professors,
doctors, philosophers etc. as giving up everything to do the menial
work they do. And they do these works in contemplative silence: paint
walls, tend gardens, wash dishes, make cheese and a thousand other
things that men with little education and much less ability would
normally be found doing. And I would always wonder, “Why?”
“What's the point?”
Then,
as I watched them pass me with arms folded and nod politely I kept
recalling those lines from that poem. So, I did as I am want to do
when I need to think... I went to the woods. I used to imagine those
words from that poem only applied to nature, like a tree. Perhaps a
thousand different times in my walks I would put my hands on a
magnificent tree and look up a hundred feet into the air. (Of course
that is only because of the part of the country I live in. Were I in
California I could look up at some giant Redwoods that climb to
nearly 400 feet tall!) As I would grasp the tree and look up I would
try to “feel” the tree growing! Of course I never could, yet it
does, and is growing... yet it makes no sound whatsoever! (THROUGH
THE SOLITARY PROWESS OF A SILENT LIFE!)
As
I walked the woods yesterday I was trying to think of other things
that are quiet, yet powerful... through silence. I Kings 19:11-12 –
God is speaking to Elijah: “And he said, Go forth, and stand upon
the mount before the Lord.
And, behold, the Lord
passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake
in pieces the rocks before the Lord;
but the Lord was not in
the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord
was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the
Lord was not in the
fire: and after the fire a still small voice.”
When
Elijah looked for God... where was He? He was not found in the mighty
wind, nor the great earthquake, neither a raging fire... but in a
“... still small voice...” God was found in the quiet thoughts,
and in the silent heart and mind of Elijah. (THROUGH THE SOLITARY
PROWESS OF A SILENT LIFE!)
In
John chapter 8 and verses 3-11 men bring a woman to Christ who has
been found in open sin:
“
And
the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery;
and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master,
this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the
law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But
Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as
though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he
lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among
you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down,
and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by
their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest,
even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing
in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the
woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath
no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto
her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” Twice,
the Lord said nothing... simply stooped to write on the ground, and
in silence He rebuked them and, “ … one by one … they walked
away. (THROUGH THE SOLITARY PROWESS OF A SILENT LIFE!)
Never
again will I only imagine that nature alone holds the truth that
there can be great power in silence... though I so wish their
doctrine was different, for I greatly fear for their mortal souls!
Yet, I don't suppose I will ever again look at a monk and imagine
through silence their life is wasted and they have no power: for I
now believe that in this life, there are men – even as trees who
exhibit: “solitary prowess through a silent life!”
MONKING IT!
Saturday January 11, 2014 5:42 am
As soon as I add this post this morning
I am heading to the Abbey of Gethsemani for today and tomorrow. I was
going to drive down last night after work but instead I chose to go to a party
(go figure) and I didn't get home until a few hours ago, and now I
have to drive down there to get in my room as early as possible for a
headcount. (I feel like I'm back in the Army and sneaking into the
barracks. Lol)
Other than the clothes I'm wearing and
a few trinkets I carry I put everything else I'm taking into a
plastic bag from Meijer's... my wife thinks it looks stupid! Hahahaha
I figure if I'm supposed to be “monking” it for a couple of days
I ought to try and experience a spartan lifestyle... don't you think?
This morning after only a couple of
hours of sleep I feel surprisingly awake and ready to go again. Most
people would imagine that many years of staying awake long hours and
little sleep would adversely affect a person, right? So far, it
hasn't seemed to bother me that much. And, I think I now know why?
Early Monday morning I received a
surprise call from my doctor who wanted to go over some test results
from blood work I had done in December. I thought we had already
talked about everything in our last appointment but apparently one of
the labs didn't report their findings until a few weeks late? Anyway,
it appears that even at my age I have testosterone levels (820) at a
range only found in much younger men: I thought, “Well, that
explains a lot!” lol
However, my doctor thought we ought to
discuss ways of bringing that down into a range more typical of men
my age? WHAT??? IS SHE INSANE!!! She said we would “discuss
options” during our next appointment. Trust me when I tell you this
is going to be a very one-sided conversation, as I will do absolutely
nothing to change that. I look around at other men my age who might
be at those levels she is talking about and I can only say I want
none of that! It might be just dandy for them but I say, “No
thanks!” Standing in front of a mirror I see
that I'm old, but that is not how I feel on the inside and I plan to
keep it that way for as long as I can if I have any say in the matter whatsoever :)
I hope all who reads this has a good
day, and now... I'm heading out to play 'monk' for awhile.
BLUE MONDAY?
Monday January 6, 2014 7:55 am
Well, it seems that this day keeps
arriving a little earlier each successive January. Supposedly feeling
“blue” or this being the unhappiest day of the year for a
majority of people is a combination of having many bad things
happening at once, which affects people's moods and their general
outlook on life. The formula for predicting this date was derived
from several factors, e.g., weather, debt, (I suppose credit card
bills from Christmas buying has just hit mailboxes) failed New Year
resolutions... REALLY, less than a week in? HAHAHA and a few other
factors are also used to try and come up with this unhappy day?
I think it could be accurately summed
up as people coming to grips with the fact of this being the 'first
day of the rest of your life' analogy and realizing it's really just
another take on the SSDD syndrome... and even I have to admit than
could be depressing! Regardless, it will be a fact that there will be
a great spike in divorce filings today as well as bankruptcy
petitions being submitted, etc. etc. etc. So, if you are on social
media sites such as FB, Twitter, Pinterest, or any others I would
imagine you are in for a barrage of negativity today.
So, maybe the handful of people who
might read this blog today can and will buck this trend of unhappy
people, and if for no better reason than wanting to be different we
will try and find a way to be happy today! “No?” Well,
truth-be-told it seemed like BS to me when I just typed it too. So,
let's join the group and play along and find some reason, any reason,
to just be mad as hell! In fact, let's do as Howard Beale did and all
repeat after me, “I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this
anymore!” HAHAHA Seriously, maybe at least sometime today you can
find some time to find a copy of that old movie and watch it again,
(Network) it really was pretty good.
In spite of 'Blue Monday' I hope all
who reads this has a really good day today! Me, I'm getting ready to
fix eggs, toast, and strong black coffee for breakfast and after that
I'm going to brave this 1 degree temperature (and still falling) and
I'm going to the gym for a bit. And as a reminder, all who are
directly east of us (like WV) might be enjoying temperatures in the
high 20's as you awake but don't feel too smug :) Because this air is
moving quickly west to east and you will be dropping in temps all day
long! I know, if you weren't depressed before you are now, right?
Have a good day :)
PLEASE GET A LIFE!
Sunday January 5, 2014 10:07 pm
I have spent the last hour after I got home from work sending out emails to certain people who apparently received an email from me... but it really wasn't from me? Confusing, huh? I think this is either the second or the third time that something like this has happened.
Normally I don't ever send an email to anyone that has a link for them to open... unless they are an extremely close friend. Otherwise whenever I write it is just regular emails. The good news, at least so far is the three calls I got at work today alerting me that some of my friends had gotten an email from me asking them to purchase something (so they knew it wasn't from me) has all been fairly innocuous things. I hope it stays that way. lol
Anyway, just a message for people who does this type of stuff, please get a life and stop bothering other people. It would be very much appreciated!
I hope all who reads this has a good night and if you are in the part of the country that is supposed to get hammered by paralyzing cold and snow... please try and stay warm... and safe!!!!!!!
BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE!
Saturday January 4, 2014 9:13 am
Apparently if you live anywhere from
the East Coast to the Midwest you are probably waking up to frigid
cold with more on the way... I like it! For a very long time I had
always wanted to go and live one year in Barrow, Alaska. I wanted to
experience the extreme cold and extended periods of darkness. I
suppose it was on my bucket-list of things I wanted to do before
dying? Then, several years ago I got pretty sick and at some point
during that prolonged illness I started suffering severe depression
and an extreme aversion to darkness!
I could feel actual dread beginning to
well inside me at just the thought of approaching darkness. Typically
I am a person who doesn't like to allow myself to fear things so I
will try and find some way to face whatever it is to prove (to myself
I guess) that I'm not afraid? However, that time I had no strength to
overcome nor any way to test my fear other than to experience it
through the long winter nights. Nights without number I wouldn't
sleep and I would close the door (so I wouldn't bother anyone else by being awake) to my small front office of our
house on Plank Road and I would pace a 10 foot span in front of my
desk, back-and-forth... all night long! I could hardly wait until I could see the sky
beginning to lighten through my closed drapes. For me, those were some very long, and lonely, and scary nights!
Those were a bad couple of years for
me. However, now I'm apparently back to my old normal??? self and I
again like the cold, long, winter nights and Barrow, Alaska again
would be some place I would like to live, for at least awhile.
Well, after writing about those, not so
happy memories from a few years ago, it is time for me to get ready
to leave for work. I began last evening another liquid fast and this
one I am hoping to continue for an extended period of time. I have a
certain (artificial) goal weight for me to be at and I'm weary with
my starts and stops and my 'oh so close' and then finding some way to
miss it again. NOT THIS TIME!!! As the old saying goes, “Come hell
or high water” I plan on reaching that goal and sooner rather than
later. Take care, “Y'all!”
MEMORIES, TIME, & CHANGE
Wednesday January 1, 2014 7:46 pm
I have been sitting here at my desk in
my small office for the last hour or so and looking at pictures and
replaying past events of my life and I suppose in a sense just trying
to get some idea of my life? Is it sustainable at present? Naturally
I am not meaning in a physical sense because in reality none of us
have that answer. No, I guess I'm trying to imagine if I can keep on
doing what I'm doing? And the resounding answer in my brain, heart,
soul....... or wherever it is that I keep hearing that very loud
screaming resonating from, the answer is, “NO!” So, I have been
trying to formulate (in my mind) some sort of plan or timetable and
each time I come up against some obstacle that seems as if I can't do
this as quickly as I want! Yet, how much longer must I wait before I
do this... if ever? The first day of this New Year I have resolved in
my heart to change, that is to make changes, now I guess there is
nothing left but to start.
There is no way to know where this
newfound resolve will take me or even if I finally get “there,”
wherever the h+%# there is... I don't know if I'll even be happier,
more satisfied, or find myself in that ultimate condition: contentment!
In my mind I have been counting my
losses, those who are no longer a real part of my life and will now
only be with me in my heart and mind... though that isn't nearly
enough it is all that I have so I cling to it! I suppose I should
have begun this blog with that last sentence because for awhile now
and culminating today it is for those reasons that I need a change! I
feel suffocated at times and I'm weary feeling this way. If I live an
average lifespan of a man, and taking into consideration my present
age and if I were born at 12:00 last evening and were to die in a 24
hour span then it is approximately 8:00 pm: and I have 4 hours left
to live! So, I'm thinking... it's either soon that I change, else I
will not have any opportunity to change.
There was a movie I watched 15-16 years
ago which had Anthony Hopkins playing a billionaire and he was
exceedingly intelligent. It was a rather good movie and I have seen
it twice. My favorite scene in it though is one where this very
successful man (that is by worldly standards) takes stock of his life
and he realizes he just isn't happy, and he states that he is going
to “change.” Although, when he is challenged in that thought by
Baldwin (Bob) then Hopkins admits that he never really knew anyone
who had actually done that: that is change. So, even understanding
that it was a movie and not the end all in human wisdom I do concur
that change is difficult for anyone, and especially if you are
wanting to change and yet cause the least disruption to those around
you who might be adversely affected.
I suppose there is some great
discussion on the authorship of whoever it was who first stated,
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting
different results.” Therefore, I will not try and credit the author
since no one seems to know for certain? Albeit, the sentiment
expressed is a good one. So hopefully I won't stay in the same way
I've been, that is 'doing the exact same things over and over' and
expecting change to just happen?
I'm getting ready to shower and go out
for awhile as I've been for the most part living the life of an
unmarried person for the last couple of days, with two more to go.
But, before I end this I would like to say that I miss (terribly)
certain love's of my life: among them is my dear friend, Virgil!
For all who reads these words and
wherever life takes any in this New Year I pray your trip and
experiences are of the happy variety!
